FM Chapter 6

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Chapter 6: Computer Class

Freshman year started so nonsensically like so.

Ever since elementary school, I have always liked my first period better. Why? Because the teacher would never actually talk about the course material. If he didn’t talk about the course material, then I wouldn’t have to use my brain. In my specialized courses especially, the current teacher would ramble about what type of language German was, and the interesting things that happened in Germany when he went there, as well as the trifles of the Wang family or the Li family for an entire two hours.

I really admired the teacher’s ability and desire to vomit comprehensively. However, I regretfully couldn’t say “Ding” [1] or “Mark” or “Notation”, and so on, as I tried to insert my foot into the equation to support him. I would even add, “You better keep vomiting comprehensively like this throughout the next semester.”

TLN: ding: (slang) to “bump” a forum thread to raise its profile; basically all the words she lists like “ding”, “mark” and “notation” are words that are typically used to bump conversations to make them more popular

Actually, starting from second period, we would become kindergarten students. Everyone began to practice pronunciations, spending half a day on one syllable. But what really made me die was that when I returned to my dorm, I discovered that the whole dorm floor was practicing their pronunciations. Everywhere I could hear single sounds of “Ah——” “Dai——” and some more meaningless words along those lines. If someone accidentally came up to our floor, they might even think that they had entered a mental hospital.

Falling apart, I thought: Did the phrase, “Peking Uni produces lunatics”, come from here?

My fresh feeling towards the school had not disappeared yet when the first month had already passed by quickly.

I slowly got used to having crazy recruitment activities for all the clubs in all three corners, hearing the Bun Uncle’s bright cries, and feeling disappointed every time I went to  Russian Art History class. Xiao Xi would usually march into the classroom at the bell. But the Russian Art History teacher would not waste any of her class time, so she started exactly from the bell until after class was dismissed. I didn’t even have time to greet Xiao Xi, so don’t even mention minimizing the distance between the two of us.

It was another Wednesday morning. I got up in the early morning and went to the liberal arts computer classroom. Really, I didn’t have any interest towards computers, but this class began at 8:00 am. According to my previous experience, I would not be able to be punctual even if I was put in a life or death situation. But the young computer teacher said in the first class: “Really, computer class is really easy. Many people even play around better than I do. This is also my first time hosting a class. It’s very unfortunate that this class was arranged to be in the morning. I am very sorry to everyone. Thus, if anyone feels that they don’t have any problems in my class, they are allowed to not come to class.” The teacher continued to say this for four classes.

The people in the classroom decreased and decreased. In the end, there were about 10 people left. The original 100 people in the classroom had suddenly changed into this ratio. The computer teacher had not expected the people to dissipate so quickly, but his words spilled out like water. Besides the reckless folks who didn’t have to come back to class, he also unfortunately wrote down the remaining 10 people’s names, and I was one of the 10 people. I regretted calling out my name then. Before, I thought that since my strength was insufficient, I could not emulate the people with high IQ (and choose this class~TL). Later, after I began to waver and think about it, I felt that upon seeing the number of people declining his class, this young teacher’s expression was pretty pitiful, so I persevered for two more weeks. I didn’t think that the 10 individuals in the class would become the teacher’s fate (determine whether or not this teacher gets fired). It was really hard to get off a tiger when you were riding it [2].

While the teacher taught the class, I scrawled ‘to be or not to be, that is the question’ on my desk.

Just as I was drawing energetically, two people suddenly entered the classroom. I looked over. Wasn’t this Ru Ting and Fang Yuke? F**k, Fang Yuke, that rascal, was really enslaved. This was obviously the liberal arts computer class, but he was forced to accompany his girlfriend in this type of class. The teacher didn’t expect the sudden addition of 2 new people to the original 10, and excitedly adjusted his glasses. He said to the two of them: “You students have arrived late right? There are many evening activities so it is hard to get out of bed in the morning. Hurry and sit.” (TL: *cough cough* “Evening activities”)

Was this teacher so innocently stupid or was he acting on purpose? The other nine kids began to laugh. Ru Ting’s face became red. The moment she saw me, it was almost like she saw her savior. She walked towards me and sat in the empty seat next to me. Fang Yuke sat next to her. Hmph, this rascal, stuck so close to her. How was I going to introduce him to Julie! If Julie didn’t become my military advisor, how was I going to pursue my husband ah!

Ru Ting gently said to me: “The teacher can really talk drivel. I chose a few electives the past few weeks, but my schedule clashed  with this class. I really couldn’t bear to drop that class, but there was no other way. Computer science is mandatory for the liberal arts major so I could only drop the elective class a few days ago. Oh. I didn’t think the first time I came to class, I would oversleep. I thought it was too embarrassing, so I could only pull Yuke along as a companion. I didn’t think it would become a bigger joke.”

You nutjob. Are you saying this to me or to the person beside you? You’ve been absent from class for three weeks. Why do you suddenly feel embarrassed for being late? Plus, your makeup is so fine. Do you even look like someone who came late? Have you ever seen what someone who pretended to oversleep looked like? If so, you should  have your hair erect and your clothes on backwards. Your two shoes shouldn’t match. I have used this method to trick the teacher numerous times. You don’t need to play with your big knife in front of Guan Yu ( anymore, you rookie [2]. Plus, it is impossible that you didn’t know no one from your department came to take this class. Why come to this class no matter what now? Isn’t it just to show me that Fang Yuke belongs to you? I don’t know why you are so against me. Don’t I just go to school with him? Unless I have another charm I don’t know about?

I laughed: “You guys don’t even have to take this class with your IQ. Just let Fang Yuke give you a  lecture, and you’ll definitely get full points.”

Ru Ting laughed between her teeth: “Don’t speak nonsense. Yuke wouldn’t teach me.”

I shook off the goosebumps on my body, too lazy to argue with her. Ah, women, they would only choose to listen to words that were nice to hear. She ignored me when I complimented their high IQ, and then she pretended to politely say something like: How is my IQ high?,etc. Thus, I reaped the benefits.

The teacher in the classroom was extremely boring. Perhaps this was because the teacher really didn’t have any teaching experience. His method of teaching really made me less than impressed. His class was practically scripted. It was fine if his class was nothing more than a wooden word by word reading, but how could he break up his sentences so much that the phrase, “one-time input”, became something else entirely?

After a short while, I struggled to keep my eyelids open. Oh, having a class at 8:00 AM was just miserable. I grabbed a book to shield myself, and lay on the table, sleeping. I dreamed that I saw Xiao Xi in my dreams. When I said “Let’s go to Baidaihe together” to him, I felt someone push me. I turned my head and continued to sleep. The pushing strength got stronger.

“F**K!” I opened my eyes, annoyed. I saw Ru Ting looking at me with wide eyes. I looked all around. It turned out that it was already the intermission time.

Ru Ting asked me, “How could you have fallen asleep?”

Fang Yuke answered for me, “Because she is an idiot.”

I snappishly prepared to continue sleeping and ignore them. Ru Ting pulled on my sleeve and said, “Linlin, don’t sleep yet~~ I just want to ask if you will return home with Yuke. If Yuke returns home, I will follow him to see Uncle Fang at his house. I haven’t seen him in a long time. But Yuke said he promised his mom that he would take care of you.”

How could I dare go home? Even if I returned, I wouldn’t accompany your Yuke even if I died . When my mom allowed him to accompany me to Beijing, your resentment lasted for a month. Even if I was dumber, I wouldn’t be so dumb as to lose my ability to make discerning judgements. I immediately shook my head: “I’m not returning. The tickets for October 1 are too tight. You guys go back. Say hello to Uncle Fang and Principle Fang for me.” After I finished speaking, I bent over again.

I heard Ru Ting say to Fang Yuke: “Zhou Linlin said she’s not going home. Then let’s go home. I haven’t seen Uncle Fang in such a long time, and I really miss that old person.”

“I won’t return either. I’ve only come out for a month, plus my dad might come back next month. You’ll see him then.”

“The past few days you were even still saying that your house had a lot of puppies that we could go back and see.”

“Look at the picture my mom took for me and that’s enough. It isn’t something big anyways. There’s no point in squandering time and money.”

“But I kind of want to see the little cute puppies.”

“Next time.”

Then there was silence.

When I woke up again, the teacher had already prepared to pack up his lesson materials and leave. I began to sweep all of my books, magazines, pens, and snacks, and other messy things into my bag. Ru Ting laughed as she said: “Linlin, your big bag is great. You can put whatever you want into it. I want to buy this kind of a big bag too.”

I looked at her bag. F**k! Did she actually look like an earnest student coming to class with her small GUCCI purse? Our generation was really lost ah! @[email protected]

I drew back the corners of my mouth: “This bag ah, all the supermarkets have it. You can get it for 50 dollars. If you like it, tomorrow I’ll go to the supermarket and buy one for you. What color do you like? There are only two colors –  big red, and military green. Your skin is white, use a big red one then!”

Ru Ting shook her head busily: “I’ve troubled you. When I have time, I’ll go and take a look myself. Thank you Linlin.”

I saw that Fang Yuke’s eyes had a bit of laughter. I suddenly thought, “Why should I give Ru Ting a hard time? Even though she was my military counselor’s rival-in-love, Ru Ting, this person, had never deliberately provoked me, and held no grudges against me. At most, I did this because she cared too much about Fang Yuke, sometimes speaking too much about him. If I were to strike back at her, I would seem narrow minded.”

I laughed and said, “I was just kidding with you. You are the most compatible person for owning famous brand bags. If I had this bag, people would probably think I went to a stall to buy a fake one.”

Ru Ting immediately said, “What are you saying? Of course not.” (TLN: COUGH COUGH Asian modesty)

I saw her look of relief, and felt that it was a little funny. I shook my head and prepared to go.

When I had just walked a few steps, Fang Yuke yelled behind me: “Wait up.”

What a joke, you ask me to wait and I’ll wait? Am I so cheap? I continued to walk forward. Fang Yuke caught up to me, and stopped me as he said, “Do you not understand what other people are saying?”

“If you don’t call my name then how do I know who you’re calling? If you have to fart, then fart quickly. I am rushing back to catch up on my sleep.”

“Are you a pig? You slept through 2 classes and you still want to sleep?” Fang Yuke asked me incredulously.

“Sorry, I have been going through my physiology period recently, which is why I get particularly tired, almost like I’m pregnant. I am extremely fond of sleeping. If you are interested, I can give you a more detailed explanation. You can help me analyze this situation or else you’ll always accuse me of being a pig.” (TL: Physiology period = menstrual cycle)

Fang Yuke was rendered speechless for a moment.

I continued: “If you don’t have anything go away. Otherwise, if people are in the way, I’ll kill people, if Buddha is in the way, I’ll kill Buddha.”

Fang Yuke then said: “My dad is coming to Beijing next month. Ask your mom if there’s anything she wants to send over.”

My heart became more refreshed. “I want your dad to bring a few pieces of stinky tofu. Oh, and the fried rice cakes my mother makes are very authentic. He can come bring some of that over here.” I purposely stopped for a moment. When I looked at Fang Yuke’s face, his face hadn’t changed a bit, and I suddenly became extremely frustrated, “I’m joking with you. There’s nothing good to bring anyways. Isn’t the whole world globalized now? I can buy whatever I want in Beijing. Thanks though.”

Fang Yuke didn’t pay attention to my words as he persisted, “How do you intend to celebrate October 1, ah. During the ten days of break, you won’t return home and you’ll just sleep right?”

“Bingo!” When I finished speaking, I left the math floor. If we were to keep talking, Ru Ting’s resentment would definitely be magnified.

But really, I cared more about how Xiao Xi would celebrate his October 1st.


[1]  ding: (slang) to “bump” a forum thread to raise its profile

[2]  It was really hard to get off a tiger when it was moving means that it is hard to stop something halfway.

[3] This basically means that there’s no need to continue pretending like you know everything in front of “Guan Yu”, a famous ancient historical figure. Supposedly, Guan Yu’s weapon was a guan dao named Green Dragon Crescent Blade, which resembled a glaive and was said to weigh 82 catties. From what I can see, Lin Lin is referring to herself as Guan Yu, the total master, while Ru Ting flails her tiny knife in front of her, unbeknownst that Lin Lin has a bigger knife

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