UPX Chapter 250

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Chapter 250: Even cats look down on His Majesty’s IQ Original and most updated translations are from volare. If read elsewhere, this chapter has been stolen. Please stop supporting theft.

“Little Gao, did you go to the restroom already?” Ning Xiaoyao asked form the bed. He said he wanted to but he still hasn’t gone, isn’t he afraid of peeing his pants?

Imperial Physician Gao didn’t dare to glare at Ning Xiaoyao, so he glared at Chef Huang instead.

“If you want to go the restroom, why are you glaring at me?” Chef Huang asked.

“I don’t want to go anymore,” Imperial Physician Gao said as he continued to glare.

“You can decide whether you want to or not for things like that?” Ning Xiaoyao asked.

Imperial Physician Gao finally turned towards Ning Xiaoyao. Is now the time to worry about my bathroom preferences?

“Hiss~” A’Ruan and A’Liang both stuck out their tongues at Imperial Physician Gao, who backed up a healthy distance as he stared at the snakes.

Finally, he told Ning Xiaoyao, “Your Majesty, this subject will take his leave first. This subject wants to use the restroom.”

“Ah? Oh, okay,” Ning Xiaoyao nodded.

Imperial Physician Gao turned and fled. Chef Huang wanted to go to the restrooms too, but he still lacked the strength to stand right now.

“That little imperial physician’s afraid of us, hiss,” A’Ruan told Ning Xiaoyao.

Ning Xiaoyao finally understood. Imperial Physician Gao hadn’t wanted to go to the restroom at all. He had just been scared into peeing his pants.

Chef Huang suddenly pointed outside the window and said with a trembling voice, “Y-Your Majesty.”

Ning Xiaoyao turned and saw Yellow Great Immortal perched on the windowsill.

“A yellow weasel,” Chef Huang exclaimed.

Ning Xiaoyao smiled. “That’s Yellow Great Immortal.”

“……..” said Chef Huang. Looks like His Majesty’s raising this animal too.

“It’s alright now,” Ning Xiaoyao blew two kisses at Yellow Great Immortal. “Tonight I’ll treat all the little pals to a meal!”

Yellow Great Immortal nodded before jumping off the ledge and leaving.

“He can—he can understand what Your Majesty’s saying?” Chef Huang stammered.

“Foolish Fatty,” A’Liang looked scornfully at Chef Huang. “Why shouldn’t we be able to understand human speech?”

“That’s why he’s a Foolish Fatty, hiss,” A’Ruan chimed in with his tongue.

“That there,” Ning Xiaoyao’s mouth twitched as she petted the snakes’ heads. “Humans really don’t know, ah.”

“Your Majesty, what are you saying?” Chef Huang asked.

“Foolish Fatty,” A’Ruan mocked Chef Huang before he rose up to nuzzled against Ning Xiaoyao’s cheek. “Xiaoyao, A’Liang and I will be leaving now.”

“Mmkay,” Ning Xiaoyao nuzzled him back. “Remember to come back with Little Liang Liang tonight for the feast.”

“Don’t call me Little Liang Liang!” A’Liang grew unhappy.

“Alright, Little Liang Liang,” Ning Xiaoyao nodded.

“……” said A’Liang.

Chef Huang looked woodenly at Ning Xiaoyao. His Majesty’s talking to poisonous snakes. I didn’t see wrong, His Majesty really is talking to poisonous snakes!

A’Ruan and A’Liang crawled out the window just as Lou Zigui stepped in. “Supreme Commander,” Ning Xiaoyao waved at him.

“Why are you still wearing those bloodstained clothes?” Lou Zigui walked to the bed and stroked her head, his gaze trailing down towards her neck.

Ning Xiaoyao pursed her lips. “I’m wearing them so the empress dowager could see, ah. Why did you bring her over here?”

“Is your neck injury alright now?” Lou Zigui bent down and lifted Ning Xiaoyao’s head for a better look at her neck.

Ning Xiaoyao tilted her head to one side. “It’s fine, look.”

The skin around the stab wound was still a little red, but it was much better than the hints of pink flesh Lou Zigui had seen before. He gently touched the spot before asking softly, “Does it hurt?”

Ning Xiaoyao shook her head. Lou Zigui straightened up and finally saw Chef Huang sitting on the side. The man wore a bitter expression as he spoke. “Supreme Commander, this one’s legs feel like jelly right now. I can’t—I can’t move.”

Ning Xiaoyao was stunned. “You’re scared? A’Ruan and A’Liang don’t bite people, ah. Moreover, they’re already gone.”

But what’s the difference between Esteemed Empress Dowager and another poisonous snake? Chef Huang didn’t dare to voice his thoughts, so he kept quiet.

“In the future, stay in the little kitchens and don’t come out as you please,” Lou Zigui told him. “If the empress dowager discovers the truth, I don’t need to tell you the consequences. You should know yourself.”

Chef Huang really lost all strength to stand then. Then Esteemed Empress Dowager will not only take my life, but grind my bones to dust!

“You can leave,” Lou Zigui said.

Ning Xiaoyao tugged on his clothes. “Chubs Huang can’t move right now, ah.”

Lou Zigui didn’t speak, but simply looked at Chef Huang. Although his gaze was calm and bright without a trace of hostility, a nameless air emanated from his being. Somehow, Chef Huang managed to jump out of his chair and mechanically bow to Ning Xiaoyao before preparing to bolt.

Lou Zigui added, “If you see the empress dowager in the future, just know that you’ll be His Majesty’s respected master.”

Chef Huang’s legs grew weak again as he almost bowed to Lou Zigui. You mean to say there might be a next time?!

“Can you remember my words?” Lou Zigui asked.

“Will our Chubs Huang run into the empress dowager again?” Ning Xiaoyao asked.

“Just in case,” Lou Zigui turned back to look at her before patting her head again.

Chef Huang said hastily, “This one will never let Esteemed Empress Dowager see me again.”

“If you do, just tell her that you like to cook with His Majesty,” Lou Zigui said. “A man skilled in martial arts could also be good at cooking, isn’t that right?”

Chef Huang wanted to cry, but he had no tears.

“That’s true, hah,” Ning Xiaoyao was suddenly enlightened. “Skilled martial artists can be divine chefs too.”

“This one understands,” Chef Huang replied. Without a chance to struggle free, he could only yield to his fate.

“Make something for His Majesty that will enrich his blood,” Lou Zigui said, “You’ve worked hard.”

Chef Huang really did feel that he’d put in massive effort, but he still used self-deprecating words to reply. “This humble one hasn’t worked hard at all. This one will go to the little kitchens promptly and make His Majesty some nourishing soup.”

“Sure, sure!” With food on the horizon, Ning Xiaoyao could only feel happy.

Chef Huang walked out of His Majesty’s bedroom and stared at the courtyard full of summer flowers before his legs gave out beneath him. He plopped on the ground. O Heavenly Father, just what did I do, ah…

Inside the rooms, Lou Zigui opened the wardrobe and took out some clean clothes for Ning Xiaoyao to wear.

“Where’s the bath you promised to draw for me?” Ning Xiaoyao asked while she stripped.

Lou Zigui glanced at her undone shirt before quickly turning aside. Ning Xiaoyao stopped stripping. “Are you embarrassed?”

“Because things were urgent at the empress dowager’s palace, I went there first just then,” Lou Zigui coughed once. “I’ll go fetch hot water for you now. You should clean yourself up before changing into new clothes.”

“There’s no need,” Ning Xiaoyao began, “My body is…”

Lou Zigui turned and walked towards the door.

“…already clean,” Ning Xiaoyao finished by the time he was out of the inner chambers. She flopped back onto the bed and pursed her lips. All we did was sleep together twice. Does he have to be so shy?

Big Boss Black ran in without a word. The first thing he did after jumping on the bed was to inspect Ning Xiaoyao’s neck. Ning Xiaoyao tossed a few more sugar beans into her mouth and said, “The skin’s grown over it already, I’m fine.”

“Little White went to the empress dowager’s palace to spy on her,” Big Boss Black said as he settled next to her head. “Chubby Yellow and the rest went to the palace gates to keep their eye on Grand Preceptor Xie.”

“Mm,” Ning Xiaoyao replied, “I’ll treat them to a big feast tonight.”

“It’s fine,” Big Boss Black replied, “They had nothing else to do anyways.”

Hm? Ning Xiaoyao turned over and looked at Big Boss Black. “Then you guys aren’t coming to the feast tonight?”

“Of course we are, miaow!” Big Boss Black said fiercely. “You want to go back on your word again!?”

“No,” Ning Xiaoyao deflated before turning to sprawl on her back again.

“Xiaoyao, what are you going to do next?” Big Boss Black extended a paw to gently scratch her face.

“Next I’ll have to keep playing dead, ah,” Ning Xiaoyao said. “Until Supreme Commander’s Black Frost Cavalry arrives. Then Supreme Commander will kill off the Grand Preceptor.”

“Where is that Black Frost Cavalry now?” Big Boss Black asked.

“I don’t know,” Ning Xiaoyao admitted. “Supreme Commander didn’t say.”

“So you didn’t think to ask him?” Big Boss Black asked.

This world doesn’t have Internet or cell phones, so I bet Supreme Commander doesn’t know where they are either. Ning Xiaoyao scratched her head in thought. “Supreme Commander shouldn’t be sure, either.”

“So are you two just going to wait until the mouse comes out of its hole by itself?” Big Boss Black asked.

“Whaa?”

“Don’t play dumb with this cat,” Big Boss Black grew stern.

“That there, Supreme Commander and I would never do something we’re not sure of,” Ning Xiaoyao replied.

“But you don’t know where the Black Frost Cavalry is.”

“Where else could they be? They must be on the road to the capital city,” Ning Xiaoyao said carelessly.

“And if they’re not?” Big Boss Black challenged.

“Then isn’t there the empress and her beloved General Xu’s Zhou Clan troops?” Ning Xiaoyao still didn’t care.

Big Boss Black swished his tail. “The empress hates you so much, would she ever help you?”

“Isn’t that because we haven’t talked it out yet?” Ning Xiaoyao’s heart skipped a beat when she recalled how the empress had stabbed her neck with that dagger.

“So will the empress still hate you after you’ve talked things out?” Big Boss Black kept asking.

“……” said Ning Xiaoyao.

“You can’t say anything, can you?” Big Boss Black looked disdainfully at her.

Ning Xiaoyao turned over again. It was very possible that the empress wouldn’t forgive her even if she died.

“What now?” Big Boss Black asked. “Maybe you should discuss things with Supreme Commander again?”

“Black Tubby, is there any way to find out the whereabouts of the Black Frost Cavalry?” Ning Xiaoyao asked.

Big Boss Black licked his paws. “I’ll ask around the city and see if there’s been any cats who’ve come from Anyuan lately.”

“Can you also find A’Ming’s group as well?” Ning Xiaoyao cupped her hands at him. “He and those wild geese always fly south to north and north to south, they must have plenty of news on them.”

Big Boss Black scratched Ning Xiaoyao.

“How come you’re scratching me again?!” Ning Xiaoyao fumed.

“A’Ming’s group are the geese that fly farthest north,” Big Boss Black said. “They left before summer, didn’t you know?”

Ning Xiaoyao fell silent. That’s true. After it gets warm, the geese will all go back north.

“This cat has no hopes of you getting any smarter!” Big Boss Black’s fur stood on end at the sight of Ning Xiaoyao. “This cat will take care of things, so you can keep playing dead here!”

Ning Xiaoyao looked at Big Boss Black. I’m always being looked down on by cats for my IQ. Could it be that I’ve really gotten dumber since dying and transmigrating again? o(╯□╰)o

“I’m off.” Big Boss Black jumped off the bed and ran towards the window.

“And the feast tonight?” Ning Xiaoyao asked.

“This cat will be present at the gathering!” Big Boss Black called back.

It’s just a meal, what’s with ‘present at the gathering?’ Ning Xiaoyao felt the corners of her mouth twitch again.

Lou Zigui came back with a giant wash tub. When he saw Ning Xiaoyao, he walked over and drew the covers over her body. “Wait for me a bit longer, I’m going to get some water.”

“Mmkay,” Ning Xiaoyao nodded docilely. “Can you also bring back a bag of sugar beans?”

“Alright,” Lou Zigui said softly as he reached out to gently stroke her hair.


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