Ah…, it’s been a long time since I worked so hard for something. But it’s finally done! Three thousand earth-realm experts’ heads have been harvested! It only took three straight days of nonstop duels at the second battlefield to get this many. I haven’t eaten, slept, or cultivated in that whole time. This is the power of the giantest bone of focus in the world! But now that my goal is finally accomplished, I deserve to take a break. A nice meal followed by a nap. Then when I wake up, we’ll be back at the camp, and I’ll be able to turn in these heads for a sky-realm-ranked sword that I can stick Durandal into. Then I’ll have sex with him for a whole month straight! I have to make up all that lost time! Ah, but Ilya should make Durandal virile before that. Mm. I hope she doesn’t take too long. Eh, she’s a genius. I bet she’ll fix him up in an hour or two at most!
“Good work, everybody! Let’s go back to the camp now!”
Claw did an especially good job. He easily passed through his tribulation with the help of everyone at the battlefield, and then he became a mid-high-ranked earth-realm expert from harvesting those couple thousand heads. Mm? Is his cultivation higher than mine? I have no clue! I just practice the Heart Devil Cultivation Technique because it gives me tingles; I don’t keep track of my cultivation! The only thing I need to keep track of is the number of heads I have, and I don’t have to count those anymore. Well, I wasn’t the one keeping count in the first place. Ilya and Softie did that for me. Both of them were counting because they had to take turns staying awake.
“Wasn’t our mission to capture one of the eastern outposts?” Softie asked. “Don’t we have to do that before we can return?”
“Eh…, we’ll just say we did it. If we all agree, then the crown prince will have to believe us! And if someone goes to check, then we can just say it was taken back after we left. Mhm.” This is called using one’s brains to accomplish tasks! Why work when you can lie? I already did so much! I don’t want to take a stupid outpost.
“But what if the crown prince tells us to make oaths to the heavens?” Softie asked.
“…Fluff Seven Hundred Seventy-Six, come out!” I made sure to hide my chest from any onlookers before releasing an apparition. “Alright, Fluff Seven Seven Six, your mission is to take over the eastern outpost I was supposed to take over, got it?”
Fluff Seven Seven Six shook his head.
…You were supposed to understand! What part don’t you understand!? Mm. Maybe my orders weren’t specific enough? “You want me to tell you the specific location?”
Fluff Seven Seven Six bobbed his head up and down.
“Well, I don’t know! If I knew, I would’ve told you earlier. Alright, how about this? I’ll summon another thousand apparitions, and you lead them to take over every outpost east of here. If the outpost’s unknown, then you’ll have to take them all over just in case.”
“Lucia!” Softie shouted at me in her whispering voice. I still don’t know how she does that. “That’s a terrible, terrible idea! Did you forget what I said about your apparitions’ appearances?”
Mm…. I can’t remember anything. I think that’s a side effect of sleep deprivation. Or it’s a lack of food that’s making my brain weak. Or both! Yeah, I think it’s both. So tired. And hungry…. Appearances? Ah! There must be something wrong with Fluff Seven Seven Six’s appearance. I’ll just use my Heart Devil Apparition to whip something up … and done!
“Lucia! What are you doing!?”
“I made Fluff Seven Seven Six a hat and bowtie.” He’s presentable now! There’s nothing wrong with his appearance anymore. He’s very adorable if I may say so myself. If I were full squirrel, I’d definitely fall for him. But I’m only part squirrel, so I won’t! Right! I have to fix Durandal! “Okay. All loose ends are tied up! To the camp!”
“Is Lucia alright?” Softie whispered to Ilya. “I think something’s wrong with her.”
“Well, yeah, something’s wrong. There’s literally nothing right about her,” Ilya whispered back.
It seems like Ilya’s head has an itch that can only be scratched by my knuckles. I’ll do her a favor.
“W-wait! Stop! How is your hearing so good!?”
Eh? Why’s Fluff Seven Seven Six tugging on my sleeve? I thought he was Softie for a second. Oh! I forgot to summon the other thousand apparitions. Is there a fast way to do this? Mm. “Come out a thousand apparitions!” …It worked? It worked!? Why did I summon all the apparitions before Fluff Seven Seven Six one at a time!? Well, you learn something new every day even if you’re a genius, huh?
Before I could even touch the statue’s head to leave the battlefield, my apparitions bit and clawed at the air until holes appeared out of nowhere. Then they leapt through and vanished, the holes in the air fixing themselves. Softie cleared her throat. “Um, Lucia? Did your apparitions eat the boundaries of the formation just now?”
How was I supposed to know? The only thing I know about formations is … nothing! They’re like magic. I’ll never understand how they work. All I know is breaking them weakens the person maintaining them. Hmm? If my apparitions broke part of the formation just now, then shouldn’t someone be suffering right now? Who’s maintaining it? Ah, I guess that doesn’t matter. It’s not my problem! I have bigger things to worry about! Like the color of the sword I’m going to pick. Hmm, hmm. And the first step is to leave the battlefield!
…What’s with this ominous feeling? Why are there so many people standing in the sky?
“They’re the Shadow Devil Sect, not the people we’re looking for.”
One of the flying people landed in front of me, and my tail stiffened. Even though my disguise prevented other people from seeing it, I could still feel my tail! This person’s dangerous!
“Have you seen the Flaming Sparrow Sect?”
Crap. These people are looking for me, aren’t they? Did I really create that big of a commotion as Fiery Rain!? All their sky-realm experts came out! “Ah…. Yes. Yes, I did. Those bastards robbed us of our merits. Their leader, Fiery Rain, was especially coldhearted! She took my underwear!”
The man’s eyes glinted. “Where and when did you see them?”
“Uh, a few days ago near the battlefield in that direction.” That’s when I robbed them! I’m not lying. I really did meet the Flaming Sparrow Sect there.
“Young Master!” one of the old men flying above said. The man in front of me raised his head. “I’m sensing Sun Fire’s aura coming off of this woman’s bracelet! It’s almost as if his essence was converted into an artifact.”
My bracelet? The thing disguising me? Ilya made it out of a person!? What the f*** is wrong with her!? I don’t want to wear dead people! That’s so gross and … actually, I wore bones all the time back at home during my hunting sprees. Mm. It’s not that bad, I guess. Wait, no! This is a disaster! Couldn’t she have made the bracelet out of someone less important!?
“Where did you get that bracelet?” the man asked. His hand was on his sword’s hilt, his fingers draped across it. He seemed relaxed, but my tail was stiffening so much that my fur was poking into my back.
“I, uh, found it. On the ground. Mhm.” He’s not saying anything. Did he believe me?
The man smiled and took a step back. He fell for it!? “She’s highly suspicious. Capture her.”