A week passed by pretty quickly. I decided to cultivate the Heart Devil Cultivation Technique since I hadn’t done it in a while and I was bored. Because of that, I received a lot of compliments and words of praise from people inside of the army camp. When I cultivate, the skies turn black from all my heart devil wormies! I think I figured out why people lived in caves without doors. It’s for them to show off their techniques when they cultivate! Instead of these people surrounding the mansion and peeking through the window, if I cultivated in a cave with a large entrance, they would’ve been able to see me more clearly. I can’t believe all cultivators are so vain, gosh. Immortals should be more modest, like me.
Other than cultivating on the roof of the mansion, I robbed every single person that requested entry back into the camp. Sadly, I only found two earth-realm experts’ heads even though there were over hundreds of people. It turns out robbery is extremely rampant on both sides, and the people who were making their way back had had their merits plundered already. Ilya said it made sense since every cultivator was a greedy selfish bastard that didn’t care about their countries. Softie said that wasn’t the case, but Ilya shut her down through some arguments that I didn’t bother to remember. Besides, it doesn’t matter why people are being robbed; the only thing that matters is the fact that people are robbing my prey before I can!
But now, I’ll finally be able to rob them first! We’ve received our first mission: Retake eastern outpost number 33421. I don’t know where that is, but it doesn’t matter. The mission doesn’t have a time limit. I’m going straight to the heart of the battlefield to beat people up so my minions can harvest their heads! Wow, that sounds pretty brutal. But I’m not the one doing the killing, so my hands are clean. Mhm. Then, once I have all the heads required for a sky-realm-ranked sword, I’ll go capture that outpost and report back. I’ll redeem the heads, get my sword, plant Durandal in it, and then desert the army! Hmm. Should I desert the army? It’s punishable by death…, but at the same time, I don’t want to stay in the army forever. Eh? What was that, necklace of intelligence? I can just apply to leave? Genius! That works too. I’ll just quit when the time comes.
And now we’re traveling along the road, riding our carriage which is totally not a flying boat that’s on the ground. Flying isn’t allowed here, sincerely, sincerely not allowed. I tried going up because most rules don’t apply to me, but my tail stiffened and I had a really bad feeling that something terrible would happen if I flew a little higher. Some rules are meant to be followed, especially when they concern my well-being! All the other ones can usually be disregarded with enough strength. Mm. I love this Immortal Continent. As long as you’re strong, you can do anything you want. It also means people who are stronger than me can do anything they want to me, but I know how to avoid bullies like them.
“This isn’t the way to eastern outpost number 33421,” someone said from beside me. I’m cultivating on deck so people can see me more clearly to heap praises on me, but sometimes there are people like this person wearing green robes that try to talk to me instead of flattering me. Jeez, get with the program, Mr. Green Robe! Wait. Green robe?
“Uh, who are you?” The Shadow Devil Sect only wears black except for me; I wear pink and black. No one wears green! Our carriage has been infiltrated already? Or I’m in an illusion. Mm, nope. The necklace didn’t heat up or break. Maybe the illusion fools me into thinking I’m not in an illusion by not breaking the necklace? …I need a backup necklace to disillusion the illusion casted on my counter-illusion necklace. I’ll have Ilya make that one give me intelligence too. Then I’ll be doubly smart! Why didn’t I think of this earlier? Ooh, I could be triply smart! Or, or…, uh, fourtimely? I think it’s fourtimely. I’ll be fourtimely smart!
“I thought I introduced myself to you, Heart Devil Lucia. I’m the navigator that the crown prince sent to acquaint you with the battlefield.”
Mm? The crown prince put a chaperone on me? That’s…, does he not trust me? I’m totally trustworthy! I haven’t even done anything that’d make me suspicious yet! Why did he preemptively try to prevent me from straying off course? Hmm…. He must be a very cautious or paranoid person. That must be it. “Well. How do you know this isn’t the way to eastern outpost number 33412?”
“Eastern outpost 33421,” the person in green robes said while lowering his head. Was he trying to flatter me? He should’ve done this from the start instead of talking. Then I wouldn’t have to figure out an excuse to explain why we’re going the wrong way. “The direction is in the outpost’s name. We’re currently heading west.”
“No, we’re not. We’re heading east.” When in doubt, deny everything!
“The sun rises from the east and it is currently behind us. It would be ahead of us if we were traveling east.”
Hmm? Is that how you can tell directions? That would’ve been nice to know a lot earlier. I’ll keep that trick in mind, but for now, I’ll still deny everything! “The sun rises from the west.”
“…Then let’s head to western outpost 33421.”
“What? Why? We were given orders to go east. I’m not changing routes now!” This person is sneakier than I thought! Instead of trying to prove that the sun rose from the east, he decided to forfeit logic instead!
“I made a mistake. The orders were to go to western outpost 33421.” The green-robed person bowed at me. “I apologize for the miscommunication.”
…What am I supposed to deny now? I guess I can refuse his apology? “Mm, well, if you made a mistake once, then you’ll make a mistake again. We’re continuing the course!”
The green-robed person’s brow wrinkled, but it smoothed out in an instant. “Heart Devil Lucia, did you know that you’re a bit unreasonable?”
“She can turn a sky-realm expert into a boneless flesh jelly by pinching him. She’s allowed to be unreasonable.” Ilya appeared from the cabin door leading up to the deck. Hey. I’m a very reasonable person! Sheesh, I always have reasons for the things I do—like because I want to. That reason’s my favorite.