Though there’s some of Snow’s subordinates in the coliseum with us, I’m not interrogating them. I’m letting Ilya’s dad do that instead. I have something much more important to do: counting my spoils! One interspacial ring…, two interspacial rings…, three inter—no! You have to check inside of them, Lucia! Phew, I almost did something stupid. Alright, let’s see what’s inside.
Who the heck does this interspacial ring belong to? The only thing inside of here is meat! Rows upon rows upon rows of meat! Oh, wait. It doesn’t matter since it’s mine now. At least, I won’t have to worry about starving even if I disappear into some desert somewhere. But that’s not going to happen; I didn’t raise a flag! I’m going to happily retire into the countryside—which is half the human empire’s lands—and live peacefully with Durandal after I become a legendary warrior. There will be no searching of any deserts.
Now that that’s settled, let’s continue investigating the spoils! Inside this interspacial ring that looks like a wedding ring…, there’s nothing. It’s actually a wedding ring. I should return this. Then, let’s designate this table as the returned-stuff table. Okay. Mm, moving onto the next ring. There’s … a pile of men’s underwear with printed yellow ducks on them. I’m starting to question if this is a good idea. Well, at least I can sell the ring for a decent price; I’ll leave the underwear on the table.
Why are there cleaning supplies in this interspacial ring!? I thought interspacial rings were expensive to obtain! Valuable stuff should be kept in them: jewels, money, beast cores, erotica! What is this crap? …Well, let’s keep the cleaning supplies for now. Who knows? There might be a time where I won’t be able to use my magic tool to clean things. Ah, who am I kidding? Cleaning supplies are going on the table.
This is like the holiday where people give each other wrapped gifts that I never got to partake in, but the gifts hold crap and the box is more valuable than what is inside. How will I be disappointed this time? This ring has beast cores! Lots and lots of … regular beast cores. They’re not even spirit beast cores. I, I guess I can use them as paper weights. Or sell them for some snack money. I could probably get a barrel of hot chocolate or two for these. Yeah, every little bit counts.
And this interspacial ring has a ton of books. I can’t read, so they’re totally useless to me. Onto the table they go. Wait, actually, I could probably sell these too. Back into the ring they go. Sorry, person who just stood up to reclaim them. Oh, wait. That person was Ilya’s dad. I could return this ring to him. “Catch!”
“Many thanks, Lucia.”
“Lucia! Your giant squirrel ate my sword!”
Huh. What the heck is Ilya Number Two saying? Squirrels don’t eat swords. “Uh, yeah. Okay.” Sometimes children have no idea what they’re talking about. Jeez. What’s in this ring? Women’s underwear? But … they’re all different sizes! Which pervert does this ring belong to? Isn’t this mark on the ring the royal family’s seal? “Which idiot prince keeps women’s underwear inside of their royal seal? If you admit it, I’ll give it back to you!”
“That, that’s mine!”
Huh? Isn’t that Evelyn the Witch? The person who poisoned her ugly arranged husband? That means all the underwear of different sizes are hers? “Oh, here.”
“Thank you,” Evelyn said with a red face. She checked inside the ring and froze. “Uh, actually, this isn’t mine. Do these all belong to different people? No way, this is Algar’s ring…? I’ve definitely seen him wear it before! And these panties are mine! Algar! What the hell!?”
Oh boy. I guess it’s a good thing I broke off my deal with Algar when his second brother came along. I almost worked with a pervert. Maybe I’d have become perverted myself. Ugh, I’m shivering just thinking about it—I’m a chaste, upright person! I can’t go around associating with people who steal women’s underwear.
“I didn’t do this,” Algar said when Evelyn confronted him. “I swear!”
Mm, not my problem anymore. What’s in this earring? Nothing, it’s just an earring. Well, I can sell it since it’s not as valuable as a wedding ring. Probably. Hopefully there’s no sentimental value? Man, now I almost feel like a bad person. Almost. Away this earring goes before I start feeling guilty! And inside this interspacial ring, we have … a legendary beast core! This one is the man in the sky’s, isn’t it? There’s one, two, three, twenty, twenty-five, thirty-seven, forty-two, sixty-seven… Sixty-seven legendary beast cores! Holy crap! Not only that, but all their bones and organs and valuable bits are here! Hey, valuable bits means scales and skin and horns, not penises. Penises fall under organs. But this ring’s capacity is huge! What the heck is it made out of?
“Having fun inspecting my ring?” the man in the sky asked.
His face darkened. “Return my stuff to me and I won’t hold you accountable.”
“Mrs. Wuffletush! Teach this man his place!”
The man in the sky screamed as Mrs. Wuffletush pounced on him. The flimsy clothes he had borrowed were torn to shreds, and bloody scratch marks appeared all over his skin.
“Mm, that’s enough. Good girl!”
Mrs. Wuffletush puffed her chest out and then looked at the ring. Did she know what was inside? Divine beasts would definitely want to consume legendary beast cores to evolve, right? But I have to consume these too to break through to the legendary realm! Mm, I’ll consume them one at a time until I break through, then I’ll give her the rest. That should work. I’ll start right now! My dream is waiting for me to take it! What if I lose the ring in an unexpected accident? This is called being proactive!
“Mrs. Wuffletush. Guard me as I break through. I’ll give you the remaining beast cores if you do. It only took me thirty-something divine beast cores to become a divine warrior. It should only take that much to become a legendary warrior. There’ll be plenty for you! Understand?”
Mrs. Wuffletush nodded. It’s a good thing beasts are so loyal, unlike Snow! Even though I’ve only known Mrs. Wuffletush for a few hours, I feel completely at ease with her. Maybe it’s because we’re both squirrels. My instincts tell me she’s not going to betray me, and if I can’t trust myself, then who can I trust? “Durandal, Puppers. You two help as well.”
“What about those four?” Durandal asked, pointing at the unconscious predators. Phew, I almost forgot about them.
“I’ll breakthrough outside. They can’t talk after all. They won’t be able to chant ‘I’m gullible’ ten times to get out.” With that, I grabbed onto Mrs. Wuffletush and completed the nonsensical ceremony to leave the coliseum. Then I took out the legendary beast cores. “I’m starting!”