SUL chapter 53

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Chapter 53 Zihui’s special

wisteria-tree

Among the morning mist, under the wisterias, a woman in green clothes motionlessly let the wisteria fell on her. She smiled quietly.

“Who are you?”

“My name is Jin Luo and who are you?”

Who?

Every night, the little monk would suddenly open his eyes. An empty look.

The bright moonlight spilled through the window into the room, making the little monk’s face seem a little pale. He rolled over and shrunk in the quilt. It was that dream again. It was that girl again. Every time he woke up, he would not be able to remember her name or her appearance. But in his heart, there was always an inexplicable familiar feeling as if he knew her.

“Well……Wu Nian1, did you dream again,” the senior sleeping in the same bed as him asked. “Don’t pull my quilt.”

  • 无念(Wúniàn): free of thoughts/ no longing. His name means that he didn’t have anything he wants to remember.

Wu Nian muffled: “Sorry, senior.”

He had a dreaming illness. He couldn’t sleep well. Sometimes, he would wake up while shouting. His family thought he was possessed. Since his childhood, they took him to temple on the mountain to let him live there.

Every day after reciting the dharma, his illness would get a lot better. But occasionally, he would still wake up at night and couldn’t remember the things he dreamed off. Just his heart would feel empty.

Early in the morning, after the morning classes finished, Fang Zhang called Wu Nian away. He commanded Wu Nian to go live at the back mountain and to help the elderly monk take care of the back of the mountain. Wu Nian nicely complied and in the afternoon, he picked up his things and went to the back of the mountain.

Outside of the house on the back of the mountain, there was a huge wisteria tree. No one knew which predecessor planted it. Kong Dao monk was already old and couldn’t do many things anymore. All the things that needed to be done, needed to be taken care of the at the back of the mountain had been handed over to Wu Nian.

Wu Nian got this job, but he didn’t work as sincere and good as before. He was always lost in thoughts while looking at the wisterias. For this reason, he didn’t know how many slaps he had suffered.

Year after years, he observed the wisterias blooming and falling. Unconsciously ten years had passed. Kong Dao monk had passed away. He now lived alone at the back of the mountain. He slowly became from a little monk to a big monk.

That day, the wind was breezing and it was sunny. The wisterias were just blooming. A string of flowers poured down like waterfall. In the sunlight, it turned the yard in a dream like purple.

As usual, Wu Nian was holding a broom and looking up at the wisterias in a blankly absence. Suddenly he heard a girl’s stunning praise: “What beautiful wisterias!”

Wu Nian turned around to look. A girl dressed in light yellow skirt walked from that side of the mountain and stood not far away from the wisteria tree. She looked up at the wisteria and forgot to close her mouth in amazement. The girl stood for a long moment before she saw Wu Nian at the side. She was shocked again and exclaimed: “What a beautiful monk!”

Wu Nian lowered his eyes, turned and began to slowly clean.

That girl covered her mouth and seemed to know that those words were somewhat out of line. She blushed and rushed to explain: “Sorry, sorry, dashi, don’t mind me. I didn’t want to offend you…..I just have a loose tongue.”

  • 大师(dàshī): master/ great master. Usually used to call monks and leaders of a sect.

Since the other party has said that, Wu Nian thought it wouldn’t be good to fuss over it anymore. He bowed and said: “Amitabha, shizu, help yourself.

  • 施主(shīzhǔ): designation of a person by a monk

The girl scratched her head while smiling: “It’s good if you just don’t blame for being out of line.”

The girl’s words hardly left, suddenly Fang Zhang came from the small road.

“Nushizu (female version of shizu) walks too fast. It’s difficult for this old monk to catch up.”

The girl stuck her tongue out. Fang Zhang turned to look at Wu Nian and commanded: “It’s good that Wu Nian is also here. This is the Miss from Shi household down the mountain. Her body isn’t well. She needs to come live in the mountains for some days. The back of the mountain is a quiet place. In the future, Wu Nian, take care of Miss Shi.”

Wu Nian hesitated. He didn’t even find ground for refusal when he heard the girl’s hearty chuckle: “Wu Nian dashi, this little girl, Shi Qian, will be in dashi’s care.”

Wu Nian opened his mouth, but didn’t know what to say.

After Shi Qian came to live at the back of the mountain, the time of Wu Nian staring in daze at the wisteria tree had become lesser and lesser. This girl who had a straightforward temperament and who loved to laugh was always in some kind of situation that made him helpless. Always saying many things that made him speechless. Always doing a lot of things that made him didn’t know if he should cry or laugh.

Every day, she could make the quiet back of the mountain into a very noisy place. During the day, Wu Nian felt endless fatigue. At night, the moment he touched the pillow and closed his eyes, he would immediately fall asleep. There was no time to dream about that dream.

Day after day, he became accustomed to the noisy Shi Qian beside him. When looking at her, he could no longer see anything else.

The wisteria bloomed a lifetime beside them. One day, Shi Qian had been taken down the mountain by the people of her household to celebrate her father’s birthday.

In Wu Nian’s eyes, he could finally look at the waterfall of the wisterias.

On a day where the sky was blue, his mind suddenly flashed a scene. A green dressed girl standing below the wisteria tree, looking at them motionlessly. Her side profile was so beautiful, making people afraid to touch it.

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“My name is Jin Luo……”

She spoke softly and then lowered her eyes. On her lips hung a smile, but her eyes seemed to be about to shed tears.

“Do you still remember me……”

A breeze blew. The wisteria petals fell on the ground. Wu Nian suddenly came out daze. His cheeks were wet.

“What….”

Wu Nian was a little startled. His fingertips touched the droplets sliding down from his eyes. Why did his tears fall?

That night, Shi Qian didn’t return to the mountain. Wu Nian carried a bit of worry and slowly fell asleep.

He dreamed again of that long absent dream. The emotions of the green dressed girl in his dream seemed so real in his mind. The temperature of her palm, the taste of her lips, her beautiful features. She called over and over again by the name “Zihui”. Over and over, she said: “I’ll wait for you.”

  • 紫輝(Zǐ huī): Zihui’s name means shining purple or bright purple

He saw her in a room made of stone, waiting for a whole lifetime. He felt that this woman was important to him. Maybe even the most important…….

But when he woke up, only Shi Qian was sitting at his bedside. Her eyes were red from crying. And Wu Nian could no longer remember the longing of that dream.

He raised his hand and touched Shi Qian’s head. He felt heartache for her distress.

“What’s the matter?”

His voice hid the affection he felt for Shi Qian.

“I……yesterday, I returned to Shi residence. My father said……”

Shi Qian couldn’t stop her tears from falling.

“My father said, he promised me to a family. He…..wants me to marry.”

Wu Nian was startled. Shi Qian looked like she couldn’t hold it anymore and rushed forward. She clung to Wu Nian’s neck.

“I like you! I only like Wu Nian! I don’t want to marry someone else! I only like you!”

Outside the house, the shadow of the wisterias shook. His ears seemed to be invaded by the words of another woman. That person said: “Zihui, I Iike you.”

She said: “Zihui, let’s get married, alright?”

She said: “In the future, I’ll always be by your side. I’ll be your wife.”

At this moment, he suddenly had the urge to push Shi Qian away. Suddenly, he felt a sense of guilt winding in his heart. Suddenly he remembered……had he forgotten a very important matter?

Shi Qian didn’t get Wu Nian’s comfort. She let go of him. Somewhat afraid, she looked at him: “Wu Nian…..are you angry? I know you’re a monk, but so many days, I thought you…..”

Her voice got smaller and carried grievances that couldn’t be said: “I thought you also like me.”

This sentence let Wu Nian come out of daze. He looked at Shi Qian’s face full of grievances. Those inexplicable thoughts and those memories that never existed dissipated like smoke. What was left was only now. Shi Qian accompanying him every day. The warmth and love that he was afraid to broach.

Wu Nian blinked, pondered for a while and smiled helplessly: “I think, I also like you.”

Shi Qian’s eyes lit up.

In a year’s time, being together from morning till night, Shi Qian was originally a girl that would let people like her. Wu Nian was really Wu Nian (without longing). Finally, he also had longing now.

He sighed: “Then, should we prepare to run away?”

He thought that this woman was worth it to give up everything to protect her.

Shi Qian stared at him blankly and immediately nodded.

While carrying a luggage, Wu Nian held Shi Qian’s hand and walked down the small road to go down the mountain. Before leaving, Wu Nian turned back and looked. Between his trances, he seemed to see a green dressed girl standing under the wisteria tree. She looked at him. There was a mild bitter curvature on her lips.

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Wu Nian’s steps stopped. He saw her lips moved. She seemed to say: “Goodbye, forever.”

  • What she said is 後會無期 (hòuhuìwúqī): meeting postponed indefinitely/ to meet again at unspecified date. Most of the time people will say 後會有期 (hòuhuìyǒuqī): hope to see you again/ I’m sure we’ll meet again someday. Jin Luo said that they’ll never meet again.

He was a little startled. His heart felt an inexplicable pain.

In a blink of an eye, a big breeze blew. Wisteria petals flew in the sky.

Shi Qian turned around and looked confused at Wu Nian: “Wu Nian?”

Wu Nian stared blankly for a while. Then he shook his head and continued to walk down. He said: “When we’re down the mountain, help me make a name. I can no longer be called Wu Nian.”

Shi Qian winked, pondered for a while and suddenly laughed: “Oh, does that mean that in your heart you have me? Are you saying that you’re not able to be alone anymore? This is really nice! Don’t worry, when we’re down the mountain, I’ll give you a nice name…..”

Wu Nian smiled stiffly. He didn’t know how to deny.

Perhaps the yearning in the depth of his soul was no match for the warm friendship that accompanied him every day. Just like that mortals were no match for the emptiness of the heart. Who wouldn’t choose a haven that would make him feel warm in time of weakness?

Even if…..that was not the place where he originally wanted to go.

No matter how unfeeling or how without longing he was, after all he was just a mortal.

Footsteps slowly mixed in the crowd. A breeze passed by, leaving only ruined flowers to bring the next year.

Author had something to say: I really thought for long time about this special chapter……because I really didn’t want to write the past story of Zihui and Jin Luo (because I think, I’ll write it really badly). So I wrote such a story. In fact, this story had been compared to Lu Hai Kong’s story. I asked a sister before making a decision. Lu Hai Kong was too pure and too clean, like someone from a dream. That’s right, for girls Lu Hai Kong was a dream. And this story of Zihui was a more realistic portrayal. He would forget that person of his past. Then he would start a new life. It was not to say how fickle Zihui’s feelings were, but it was that everyone had moments of weakness and selfishness. Why not choose a better life for oneself? Women are like that. Men should also be like that. Maybe putting the past down was the most difficult choice.

In addition this story also wanted to tell a truth that ah Jiu’s mom told ah Jiu: “When he liked you, he really liked you. When he liked someone else, he also really liked that person.”

Personally I think, people are probably like that. Eating what’s inside the bowl, watching what’s inside the pot……

Finally, everyone, don’t take this story too seriously ==

Comments:

When I read that this story is about Zihui, I thought that it’ll tell the story of Zihui and Jin Luo. How they met and how they fell in love, but it turned out to be a story after their souls had been scattered.

Zihui and Jin Luo were never meant to be. Even if Wu Nian remembered Jin Luo, they couldn’t be together in real life. . Zihui could reincarnate life after life again, but Jin Luo’s soul ceased to exist. They could only meet in their dreams. Couldn’t blame Wu Nian for choosing a real person. But I still feel sad for them.

The side stories are not what I expected. I hope that the next story will be more happy. The next ss is called CK and XXZ special: Happy life?

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