FM Chapter 31

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As I held unreal unexpectations, the long vacation of May 1st came at long last. This type of expectation made one feel as if I had a magnificent plan that was to be unveiled, but in fact, I only wanted to sleep through the twilight and the day. In the light of Julie’s words, I especially wanted to rely and look like the pig species.

But my plan couldn’t keep up with the changes. The day before May 1st, Shan Shan called, to let it be known that he would be gracing me with his presence and coming to Beijing. He made us properly inquire after him. I especially lovably reminded him that he would have to buy two tickets, as to not cram the passenger in beside him.

Original and most updated translations are from volaretranslations. Please don’t be reading this off of anywhere other than VOLARE :3

On the day of May 1st, the sun that had hidden itself away suddenly revealed itself to the top of the sky, dazzling the eyes.

On the way to the airport, I mumbled to myself about coming out without sunscreen on. Fang Yuke glanced over at me and said, “Definitely don’t bring sunscreen. If other people see you using their brand, I’m only afraid that you’ll never be able to buy that product ever again.”

I couldn’t care less that we were in a public setting, and loudly said, “Don’t think that just because you’ve coached me for a few days, you can deride me as you please. Seniority in the family is arranged. You’re still my little concubine.”

A few people from the 90’s used peculiar expressions to look at us. Among them was a rascal who had a nose loop, who was debatably a male or a female who sized me up: “What a daughter-in-law, but still so childish.”

Original and most updated translations are from volaretranslations. Please don’t be reading this off of anywhere other than VOLARE :3

All right, I concede. Bestowing a title to my little concubine was indeed not giving him face, but this old woman couldn’t stand silence. Even though today, I wore a crude yellow polo shirt, with crude yellow pants, with a red peaked cap, at least I had even that little bit of a sanitary auntie’s charm and grace. You should also go look around and find which auntie has such a youthful and radiant face, and which auntie has skin that can break with just a snap of the fingers, right?

I looked out the bus window, seeing my face looking back at me vaguely. Fang Yuke spoke: “Don’t look at it anymore. Your face has more beauty birthmarks,and more dimples than others, but everything else is all pretty good.”

Who would help me record his words and shut this malicious mouth up? In the future when I left the house, I would be like other beautiful women and stuff a biggg makeup bag into my bag, and fill it onto my face even when I had nothing to do.

I turned around to provoke him: “This is all natural and pure. If you don’t understand, then don’t blindly comment on it. Right now, the market has a lot of fake products. Even though they look pretty, you shouldn’t use them. How will you know that Ru Ting’s outstandingness isn’t forged and acquired?” I’ll admit it, I had gotten so anxious that I was willing to frame someone else. Sorry…Ru Ting…

Fang Yuke lowered his head to look at my chest: “Not using it is better than using it.”


Original and most updated translations are from volaretranslations. Please don’t be reading this off of anywhere other than VOLARE :3

When we got to the airport, I had already fallen onto the seat, my vital energy suffering a huge injury. I swear to God that I will never bicker with him again. This person’s teeth have been used to grind knives! The moment it bites, it will hit the point.

Waves of passengers came out from the airport entrance. Within the sea of people, I finally saw a fat and stout figure. I walked up and extended my finger like ET [1], solemnly jabbing his stomach. My expressed greeting could be considered to have been given. Shan Shan laughed like Maitreya. I decided to double the grievances Fang Yuke had given to me, to Shan Shan: “Shan Shan in the future you can take the table away and place some bowls directly on your stomach. This will be so convenient in so many ways, and you’ll be caring for your stomach!”

Shan SHan didn’t get angry, and he even mocked himself: “Sometimes I won’t even have to find snacks on the floor. I can pick it up from my stomach and eat it.”

I laughed: “Shan Shan is doing the right thing. Wasting is shameful, and the more frugal you are, the richer you’ll become. In the future you’ll definitely be a Monopoly master. This little sis will cool off in the shade by leaning on this tree (aka Shan Shan).”

Fang Yuke patted Shan Shan’s shoulder in the meantime: “Let’s play Monopoly by ourselves.”

I felt that fate was really a wonderful thing. Shan Shan was our former neighbor, and Fang Yuke was Shan Shan’s current neighbor. But Fang Yuke and I had not known each other through Shan Shan. Xiao Xi and Ru Ting were Fang Yuke’s past neighbors, but Xiao Xi had become my pain while Ru Ting had become Fang Yuke’s shougongsha [2]. Who said the world was bit? Even after turning every which way, it was forever those same people.

At night we held a welcoming dinner for Shan Shan.

Original and most updated translations are from volaretranslations. Please don’t be reading this off of anywhere other than VOLARE :3

30 minutes earlier, Shan Shan hadn’t spoken to us at all, but only dug in and ate like if he didn’t eat in time, the waitress would take away his plates. I had no choice but to remind Shan Shan that we were not here to eat a buffet, which did not seem to be the issue.

Fang Yuke laughed: “Shan Shan, during middle school, you never ate so intensely. How come after going out of the country, you brought so many stomachs along with you?”

Shan Shan clasped his potbelly and leaned on the back of his chair, squinting his eyes to look at me: “Lin Lin, after not seeing you for so many months, how come you’ve gotten skinnier? If you have any secret know-hows, you should do the right thing and share them with me.”

I cupped my face as I laughed. This flattery really made this old woman burst with joy.

Fang Yuke immediately followed with: “A camel that has died from losing weight is bigger than a horse. So what if the skeleton is big? If she gets skinnier, then she can’t get much more skinnier.”
I got furious: “How do you know my skeleton is big? The sentence from the song from a play ‘Delicate and pretty bones must not degenerate according to convention’, which is speaking about me, in other words.”

Fang Yuke slowly put vegetables into the hotpot: “Did you forget that I’m your weight loss instructor? I’m even more clear than you on where you’re fat and skinny.”
I responded evasively, unable to come up with a comeback.

Shan Shan shoved more meat into his mouth: “Don’t look at my fat. Actually, my heart is pretty delicate. I’ve already smelled some intense emotions in the air. Hiding something from me, your bro isn’t conscientious.”

I used my chopsticks to knock on Fang Yuke’s plate: “Introduce your one true love to him, otherwise I’ll get mad.”

Fang Yuke only foolishly laguehd: “You are very familiar with her. I don’t need to introduce her.”

Shan Shan continued: “Yuke is a good guy who is commonly resented in the male sex, no matter how many women prostrate themselves underneath his jeans. Lin Lin, can you obtain him?”

I laughed: “I can snatch him. Other people prostrate themselves under his jeans, but I’ve prostrated myself under his little swim trunks. Who is braver than me……?”

Shan Shan drank a sip of beer: “Why do your words sound a little perverted…..”

“Stop insulting me, who’s like a pervert? I’ll get on top of whoever calls me perverted. Even my mom and his mom are perverts.”

“Haha, Lin Lin, speaking to you is great. I don’t have to consider the other person’s sex, identity, or religion at all.”

“Of course. I am advocating for guys and girls, and the Great world.”

We chatted like this, line after line. Shan Shan and I conversed extremely happily. In the end, we had both gotten a little high from drinking.

Shan SHan supported his fat head and asked me: “Lin Lin, our childhood was great. Everyone played with me sincerely. After my family got money I couldn’t tell who was a friend and who was a pretending a**hole……”

Original and most updated translations are from volaretranslations. Please don’t be reading this off of anywhere other than VOLARE :3

I laughed: “Know what’s a real friend? Real friends can allow you to go to the toilet first even if they have to poop extremely badly.”

Shan Shan stood up to clap and fiercely grabbedmy hand: “Thank you for promoting me to a friend.”

Fang Yuke looked at us, as if he was looking at two perverts. In the end, he stopped moving his chopsticks to eat. I thought that if it wasn’t for our drunkedness, he probably would have run far away and pretended he didn’t know us.

I pointed at Fang Yuke and said to Shan Shan: “Fang Yuke isn’t our friend. Look at how he turns his back on us. Would friends turn their backs on someone?”
Shan Shan began a tongue twister: “He isn’t my friend, and he isn’t your boyfriend, so- so, I guess he should be my friend if we go down the line.”

I seized Fang Yuke’s face: “Today, Shan SHan is the king. Whatever he says, goes. Shan Shan said you are my boyfriend, so I guess you are my boyfriend. Come, let this old lady take liberties with you.”
In the midst of my haziness, I saw that I had pulled Fang Yuke’s face into an irregular shape. I started having fun: “Wow, your skin feels great. What cosmetic products to you use? Oh! Why is your face red? Rosiness emerges from the shite, standing out from within. It’s so cute! Let this old woman kiss you!”

I exploited the opportunity and ferociously kissed Fang Yuke’s cheek. Then, I turned around and said to Shan Shan: “This rascal even used skincare products……”

Original and most updated translations are from volaretranslations. Please don’t be reading this off of anywhere other than VOLARE :3 I do work very hard for these translations with little to no pay so don’t support other thieves!!!

Shan Shan suddenly stood up and shook my body: “Lin Lin are you for real? Our Fang Yuke’s first kiss is gone now, just like that!”

“Shan Shan, we already came to an agreement. You will lend me your submachine gun for me to use! Later, I’ll provide you with some gold, okay?” Before he could reply, my head banged onto the table immediately. In the midst of my confusion, I saw Fang Yuke was still clasping his red tomato cheek, foolishly standing there. That fool!

Original and most updated translations are from volaretranslations. Please don’t be reading this off of anywhere other than VOLARE :3

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