FM Chapter 24

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Chapter 24: Ru Ting’s Birthday (2)

Can I understand this as…you are proposing to me?

I began to earnestly purchase things for Ru Ting’s birthday.

From the hardest matter to the easiest matter, the first thing I wanted to settle was the birthday present problem. Ru Ting had probably never lacked anything in the past. If she really lacked something, I couldn’t afford it. According to vulgar scenes from dramas on television, the poor and grieved me should make a gift personally for the rich and honorable her. Decently speaking, the truth was priceless; from a common point, the wealthy clasped money, while the people with no money grabbed onto oneself. I had no money so I could only send her a little gadget, and I could even depend on “Pure handmade creation” “Only one exists worldwide” and so on of an amusing and deceiving speech to get through this ordeal. —– The time I broke a gold ingot only occurred because I wanted money so badly when I was little that I went insane. It was a trade I learned from Shan Shan’s grandma who abstained from meat and prayed to Buddha. A golden piece of aluminum foil, discounted many times over, was precisely a golden-bright and dazzling ingot. It was said that at the time, golden ingots were more fashionable than tornado playing cards and whatnot, and they could even be used as circulated money for all the children in the community for common use. Ingots that had been bent into a good three dimensional effect could be changed for snacks. Alas, after growing up, with my skill, I might as well withdraw from the stage of history. I suddenly especially understood the hardships of grinding some scissors [into its shape] and the helplessness involved.

I miserably walked to the balcony with a bad face, catching sight of Fang Yuke who was standing at the balcony making a phone call right at that moment. I was indeed silly! Wouldn’t I know what Ru Ting liked after asking Fang Yuke? I roared directly on the balcony: “Fang Yuke, I need your help for something. Come down for me!”

At this time, many heads stuck out of the window of the men’s dorm opposite me. Some came to watch a great play, some heckled me. Who said that boys weren’t gossipy? As usual they held stools while cupping melon seeds, looking like they were gossiping.

I waited for quite a while downstairs, but he didn’t come down. When I looked up, I saw that he was well, and he even calmly continued to talk on the phone, as if my shout from just a moment ago had come from someone else.

The teacher had always taught us: Time is money, ever since I had been a child. How could I let my money drain away like this. As a result, I cupped my hands by my mouth into a horn shape, and embittered shrieked: “Fang Yuke, your mama is calling you to return home and have a meal!” (I swear that I created the line, “Jia Jun Peng, your mother called you home to eat” [1])

At this shout, heads stuck out from both the female and male dorms. In addition to that, they started clapping and whistling, so meddlesome. Fortunately, Ru Ting was not at the dorm, otherwise I might as well have been shot by an arrow in the chaos and disorder.

The applause came down like snow, as I welcomed the leisurely noble who finally made his way down the stairs. With a smile that also seemed not like a smile, he was wearing a checkered shirt, with a black leisurely suit on the outside. Underneath, he wore a pair of loose Levis jeans, a pair of light colored canvas shoes on his feet. It was difficult for normal boys to match their checkered shirts with other clothing, but this rascal seemed akin to a fashion model when he wore it, emitting an indolent and young hint of coziness.
As for me, I had just hurriedly ran downstairs. I was wearing a black sweatshirt on the top, and white and red striped exercise pants underneath. On my feet were Micky Mouse cotton slippers. On one of the pairs of shoes, the cotton had deteriorated until Mickey’s nose had fallen off, which I had picked up a few days ago.

As a whole, I looked like I was in dire straits, as I tried to sell flowers. Alas……

Fang Yuke sweeped his gaze over me. Finally, his gaze fell on my cotton flip flops. A smile tugged at the edge of his lips but he didn’t laugh heartily.

I glared at him: “Whatcha looking at? Are you not allowing poor people to wear broken shoes?”

Fang Yuke laughed as he said, “Every woman has a pair of good shoes that they should have.”

I surprisedly asked: “You also know Teng Tang Jing?”

“Teng Tang Jing? Is he a guy or a girl? I don’t know him.”

I curled my lip: “Hmph, you don’t even know the famous Teng Tang Jing? Go cram and hurry up about it.”

TLN: Recall Teng Tang Jing from Meteor Garden…?

Fang Yuke ignored my words, and asked: “What did you find me for?”

After I had bickered with him for some time did I remember that I had yet to speak about some official business.

“What kinds of birthday presents does Ru Ting like? What do you plan to give?” When I asked about these official matters, I didn’t forget to unearth all the secrets of the other party.
Fang Yuke knitted his brow: “I haven’t thought of this yet. You found me for this?”

“Otherwise what would I do? The stinking rich missy isn’t lacking anything. Do you know how awkward this makes it for poor people like me? Give me some consultation information.”

“How would I know what girls like? If it was your birthday, what would you hope to receive?”

I lifted my head towards the heavens and pondered. Then, I grabbed my fingers and counted one by one: “Shampoo, shower gel, tissue paper, photo frames…..”

Fang Yuke interrupted me: “Why are you so easy to handle? You don’t want to take advantage of looting other people during your birthday?”

“All riight. What I really want are diamonds, gold, a grand mansion…..alas, who will let me loot from them? Won’t it be better to think of some realistic and more reasonable requests. With that said, recently the household products industry is in a state of emergency, and now we’ll have to purchase…”

“Let’s go.”

“Go where?”

“To purchase some things.” Fang Yuke didn’t even turn his head as he said this.

Messy me eagerly followed after Fang Yuke, the jade tree overlooking the wind, as we went to buy some items.

As I followed Fang Yuke from behind, I didn’t even have the fate of a cannon fodder. At least a cannon fodder had substance. But when I was with him, I could only become air. I pouted and asked Fang Yuke: “Did you do that on purpose? Everyone thought that I was a nanny you hired.”

Fang Yuke sized me up pensively: “You are indeed like a nanny, but you’re always such a clumsy nanny!”

I easily fished up a small box of crackers and smashed it onto his body. F**k, will you die if you aren’t sarcastic for once?

You’ve already spoke one sentence of argument while I’ve spoken another sentence, and we’ve already travelled from the household products to the produce, and meat district. I didn’t have any interest in the produce. Besides taking a few free samples of food, I could only silently watch as Fang Yuke travelled back and forth between piles of green produce. I thought to myself that this rascal was practically perfect: After he was born he gained a whole table, and his appearance could gain a whole hall, his workmanship could earn a whole kitchen, a perfect match for the untouchable pure and flowing Princess Ru Ting. Of course, due to a woman’s selfishness it would still be best if these types of guys were forever single but objectively, besides Ru Ting of the people I knew, I really couldn’t find a better well matched family in social status or another perfect pair.

Anyways, after we got to the seafood section, the other party, Fang Yuke immediately placed a big X on his perfect image. This rascal unexpectedly grabbed a swamp eel that looked a little like a snake, baring fangs and brandishing its claws as it scared me. He even smiled sinisterly at one side, waiting for me to put on a good show. I grabbed the seven inch swamp eel and warned him: “This old woman grew up scaring people. Awww this little bro has to be obedient~ Next time if you want to scare me, then grab a cobra and I’ll get a kick out of it~” Fang Yuke disappointedly took out a napkin to wipe his hands as he mumbled to himself: “Oh dear, I forgot that when you were little you were indeed naughtier than me…..”

Fang Yuke pushed the shopping cart as he continued on, and so I followed. Whenever I saw something delicious and fun, I threw it into the cart. After a moment, the little shopping cart was full.
When we were waiting in line, I had a kind of strange misconception, almost as if we had been a couple of lovers for many years. The old husband and old wife came out after shopping, quarreling and pointlessly arguing. Afterwards, it would seem as if they held hands and prepared to go home. Furthermore, I had retaliated and stuck it into his pants pocket, as my legs trembled. As was proper and expected, I waited for Fang Yuke to pay the bill.

Fang Yuke put all the things that had been bought into different categories, letting me carry the light bags of food, as he carried two bags of heavy groceries. Contrary to what one might expect, I was actually awfully happy about his gentlemen elegant demeanor, as I happily followed after him– returning home.

After last time’s incident, I had never entered Fang Yuke’s dorm. Right now, I “revisited memory lane”. Even if you let me borrow ten of your guts, I didn’t dare lie down on Fang Yuke’s bed anymore.

I opened the television, very offhandedly. Crouching on the sofa with my bare feet placed on the small side table in front of it, I began to watch television at ease and I even didn’t forget to command Fang Yuke: “I want you to take that fish and cut it open, otherwise it’ll stifle to death. If you cut it open later, it’ll get stale.”

Fang Yuke began to busy himself in the kitchen: “Where do you look like a nanny? You’re obviously a concubine…”

I curled up on the sofa and foolishly laughed. I hadn’t known this rascal for a long time. From the original cold faced killer, he had become a boy full of sunshine. Were my instructions right? But, going outside, the two of us relied mutually on each other. If he didn’t treat me well, who would die well? When I thought to this point, I walked to the kitchen and said to Fang Yuke: “Fang Yuke, in general, you aren’t ungenerous to me. If we don’t become sworn brothers, I’ll feel like I’ve let you down. Before you want to put me side, men can take three wives and four concubines. So I’ll reluctantly marry you, and really become a concubine. In any case we’ll just be passing our days and getting along, right?”

Fang Yuke’s hand that was cutting the vegetables stopped: “I see. Are you proposing to me?”

I picked up a piece of a cucumber from the cutting board and stuffed it into my mouth: “If you want to see it like that, that’s okay. My starting point was to become brothers, but as long as you can settle your primary wife, I’m okay with anything.”

Fang Yuke lifted his head and fixed his attention on my eyes: “Zhou Lin Lin, how come your habits haven’t changed even now? Everytime when you’re so thankful that you want to marry yourself off, are you always like this to other people? You’ve already married me two times, and I haven’t seen any activity from you…”

“Two times? How could I marry the same person two times? When I was little, and I accidentally ruined Shan Shan’s gun, I said it once. When I was borrowing Xiao Yin’s final exam to copy off of, I said it another time, but I hadn’t seemed to say it any other times. Was it possible that when I had gotten drunk last time I had said it?”

I looked at Fang Yuke, puzzled. Fang Yuke’s face was expressionless as he washed the chopping board and ignored me. Alas, this rascal, even though I didn’t look that good, he didn’t need to dislike me that much.

I felt wronged as I went back to my lair in the living room sofa. Only a few minutes had passed before I fell asleep…

Fang Yuke lightly patted me awake: “Lin Lin, wake up and eat.” I extremely unwillingly opened my eyes and got up. I sat beside the dining table.

When I saw so many dishes, I woke up in a flash. Oh man! The whole table was filled with dishes from our hometown: Xihu fish with vinegar, bamboo shoots with meat slices, Longjing shelled shrimp, Brasenia schreberi soup. I licked my lips and immediately picked up my chopsticks to taste everything. After one serving of rice, I actually hadn’t spoken yet.

After I drank and ate to my heart’s content, I picked some bamboo and issued: “Fang Yuke, even if you’re unwiling to marry me, you must marry my stomach. This year, my stomach has suffered too many wrongs, and it hasn’t eaten meat again in such a long time. If Ru Ting marries you, it will be good indeed. Watching a beautiful womean’s stature and how she nears the white gourd, is a carefree matter in life….Say, do you think I should send her some losing weight medicine for her birthday? Will she admire my foresight in the future?”

Fang Yuke laughed and did not speak.

I changed my sitting position, and put my foot under my butt as I continued to think: “What does Ru Ting like most? Answer: She likes Fang Yuke the most. Question: What does Fang Yuke like the most?
I immediately asked Fang Yuke: “Fang Yuke what do you like?”

Fang Yuke wiped the table and said, “Are you talking about people or things?”

“Of course I’m talking about things, who wants you to show off your public displays of affection towards the person you like?”

Fang Yuke considered it: “Submachine guns.”

I almost didn’t sit steadily as my butt fell from the chair: “Submachine guns?! Real guns or fake guns?”

Fang Yuke: “Toy guns. The type you play with when you’re little.”

I excitedly gripped Fang Yuke’s hand: “Comrade Fang Yuke, congratulations. I have finally found the organizations I have lost touch with for many years. When I was little, my dream was to hold onto Shan Shan’s toy gun. Then, when it shot towards you, will it be as tremorous as a real gun? At that moment, I will then exchange it for many gold and silver ingots, but I won’t have played with it for a day before it breaks…”

Fang Yuke grabbed my hand: “Thank you to the organization for finally claiming me.”

I laughed: “Fang Yuke, just a moment ago, when I saw you cooking and washing the dishes, I even thought I had misread you. I thought that you were made of ice, but why do you seem just as enthusiastic and hardworking as a young married woman? At least you have some male hobbies.”

Fang Yuke was unhappy: “I look like a youn gmarried woman in front of you? Even if other people want to eat this, they won’t get a chance to.”

I stood on tiptoe and massaged his head: “Why didn’t you say so earlier? I’ll say, it turns out you were waiting for me to marry you when you were unwilling to marry me. Hubby, tomorrow give me your tall, stimulating infrared ray gun.”

[1] The webpage does all the explaining pretty well :P) Go here!

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