UPX Chapter 47

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Chapter 47: His Abominable Majesty Original and most updated translations are from volare. If read elsewhere, this chapter has been stolen. Please stop supporting theft.

Big Boss Black jumped onto the second carved wooden flower, which was a remarkably lifelike depiction of a cotton rose hibiscus, and sank down on the switch. There was a click from the bed before a sunken area appeared beneath the sheets.

“Take the Imperial Jade Seal and go,” Grandpa Ash directed Big Boss Black to work.

Big Boss Black pushed aside the sheets and saw the Imperial Jade Seal box in the secret compartment beneath. Big Boss Black wanted to pick it up in his mouth, but his mouth was too small to hold onto the seal. Then he wanted to pick it up with his paws, but it was too heavy. Grandpa Ash stuck his whiskers upwards and said hatefully, “You’re useless!”

“…..” said Big Boss Black. How he wanted to eat this old grandpa mouse!

Chubby Yellow and Little White came into the room just then, bringing along a few of their kitty friends. Big Boss Black saw his strong and sturdy companions and said softly, “Miaow, get to work.”

The various cats used their mouths, heads, and paws to get the Imperial Jade Seal box out of the secret compartment. Then they moved it off the bed and to the window. The little gyrfalcon was waiting on the ledge. He wrapped his claws around the ring on top of the Imperial Jade Seal box and flew into the air with the box in his grip.

“Avoid being seen by the humans!” Grandpa Ash jump onto the window ledge and shouted.

The little gyrfalcon softly called back before flying low towards the corner of the walls. Under the cover of a flock of magpies, he crossed over the wall. All of the eunuchs guarding the empress dowager’s bedroom were focused on the commotion at the side room, so they didn’t notice a thing when a flock of birds flew silently over their heads.

“All right,” an old crow perched on a roof said to its companion. “These idiots didn’t catch what the little gyrfalcon and the rest did, so there’s no need for us to poop in their eyes.”

The other crows all began to caw in unison. There was no helping these group of stupid humans, was there?

“Don’t make a racket,” the old crow’s black feathers gleamed beneath the sunlight as he spoke in a sinister tone. “When Supreme Commander kills them all, we’ll eat them all, caw!”

“……” said the cats and mice still in the bedroom. Had these crows gotten addicted to the taste of human corpses?

When the leader of the eunuchs heard the crows cawing from the roof, he hastily threw some rocks at them to chase them away. Yesterday the air had been covered in crows when the empress dowager’s palace was littered with corpses, just like a scene from a nightmare. The bodies had been taken out of the palace already, so why were these crows still dropping by?! The crows kept cawing as they flew to the skies, while the leader of the eunuchs cursed them from the ground. “Scram! Abominable crows!”

“Stupid humans!” the crows cawed back.

Taking advantage of the arguments between crow and man, Big Boss Black led his companions to jump out the window and disperse. Grandpa Ash took Oil Jar and the other little mice to smooth out the empress dowager’s bed sheets before shutting the window from the inside. Then they all climbed up to the rafters and dispersed as well. When the crows saw that the mice had left, they evacuated the airspace above the empress dowager’s palace as well.

Over at the side room, Wifey Magpie spotted the crows leaving and told Xiaoyao, “Xiaoyao, they’ve all left. Let’s retreat as well?”

Ning Xiaoyao had a bitter expression on her face. She was currently besieged by the eunuchs of the empress dowager’s palace on all sides. It didn’t seem like she could just dust off her robes and leave, especially when the empress dowager looked like she’d gone crazy.

It was then that Lou Zigui arrived with Shadowgale and the rest to the courtyard outside the side room. Those who saw them couldn’t help but twist their expressions at the sight. His Majesty was a son, so it wasn’t a big matter if he showed up without announcing himself. But what were giant thorns like you guys doing showing up?

When Shadowgale saw that both the roof and second storey of the side room was gone, he couldn’t help but be stunned. In only such a short time, His Majesty had reduced the three-storey side chambers to this state?! Lou Zigui swept his eyes around the people in the courtyard and furrowed his brows. Then he told Shadowgale and the rest, “Protect the emperor.”

Empress Dowager Xie nearly spat up blood at these words. Protect the emperor? Just who was the victim here? Who had been unreasonable and made a scene?

Shadowgale and the rest kicked the eunuchs away to stand around Ning Xiaoyao protectively. Lou Zigui came forward and bent over with a bow. “This subject came late to the rescue, may Your Majesty mete punishment.”

The extent of Supreme Commander Lou’s shamelessness shocked everyone in the empress dowager’s palace. It was rare to see someone who could lie with his eyes right open. Can’t you see how His Majesty’s torn apart the side chamber?! Ning Xiaoyao rubbed her nose and turned to see the esteemed empress dowager shooting daggers at her with her eyes.

Grand Preceptor Xie hung his arms, his expression pained as he muttered to himself, “How could it be like this? How could it be like this?”

Ning Xiaoyao rolled her eyes. Grand Preceptor Xie was still putting on an act even now. Lou Zigui walked forward a few more steps and said, “This subject asks that Your Majesty return to the Imperial Palace now.”

“Oh, okay,” Ning Xiaoyao nodded.

“You’re all leaving just like that?” the empress dowager asked.

Lou Zigui’s eyes were like ice as he looked at her. “Then Esteemed Empress Dowager’s meaning is?”

“Who allowed you all to come in?” Empress Dowager Xie asked.

Lou Zigui was neither humble nor haughty as he spoke. “This subject and the rest were anxious to rescue His Majesty. May Esteemed Empress Dowager please forgive us for the trespass.”

“And if This Dowager won’t forgive?” Empress Dowager Xie raised her voice.

Ning Xiaoyao chose this time to speak up. “It’s fine, I’ll forgive you guys.”

Empress Dowager Xie’s figure tottered. Two mama cried out ‘Esteemed Empress Dowager!’ before rushing forward to support her on both sides. Grand Preceptor Xie pointed a finger at the remains of the house and asked Ning Xiaoyao, “Your Majesty, what was the meaning of this?”

“Thought it looked too old, tore it down to build a new one for my Imperial Mother instead,” Ning Xiaoyao blathered nonsense as soon as she opened her mouth. “Didn’t I tell you guys before I started dismantling the house?”

Even the doctors hiding on the side and pretending they didn’t exist couldn’t bear to listen anymore. When did you ever tell us?!

Grand Preceptor Xie couldn’t even speak as he looked at Ning Xiaoyao. He wasn’t a good man and had spent his life crafting plots and machinations while competing against his cohorts. But anyone who could be his opponent wasn’t someone simple. No matter how dirty everyone’s hearts could be, they at least pretended to be righteous and moral on the surface. Thus, Grand Preceptor Xie had no experience dealing with hoodlums and rogues.

“This Dowager didn’t hear anything,” Empress Dowager Xie said coldly.

“Oh,” Ning Xiaoyao said. “Then maybe I said it too softly.”

“Your Majesty!”

“I say, I’ve said it before, I’m the emperor,” Ning Xiaoyao used an extremely provoking tone as she looked at Empress Dowager Xie. “Imperial Mother, what do we call the emperor’s words?”

“A golden mouth and pearly words1,” Lou Zigui spoke up.

Ning Xiaoyao’s lips curved up towards Empress Dowager Xie as she spread out her arms. “Exactly.”

None of the empress dowager’s people dared to look at her face right now. Would she die from the rage?

“Then when does Your Majesty plan to construct a new building for Esteemed Empress Dowager?” Grand Preceptor Xie asked.

“Dismantling comes first,” Ning Xiaoyao replied. “Right now, I don’t have any money on hand. When I get enough money, we’ll talk about it. There are so many rooms in the empress dowager’s palace, can’t my Imperial Mother live in any of them?”

Grand Preceptor Xie was floored by anger at Ning Xiaoyao’s words again. Was she still human?! Empress Dowager Xie shook off the two mama holding her up and walked in front of Ning Xiaoyao as she stared. Ning Xiaoyao stared back. Staring contest? What’s so scary about that?

Empress Dowager Xie suddenly nodded at Ning Xiaoyao and spoke in a tone that only she could hear. “Have you ever thought of This Dowager as a mother?”

No son or daughter would ever ruin their mother’s name by saying she had unclear relations with other men. Empress Dowager Xie really was saddened by the sight of this daughter in front of her. She’d never raised this child before, but hadn’t she painstakingly birthed her all the same?

Ning Xiaoyao curled her lips. This woman was too caught up in her own acting, wasn’t she. “Are you?” she whispered into her ear.  Empress Dowager Xie’s entire body stiffened. Ning Xiaoyao took the chance to sneakily add on, “Hand over the Imperial Jade Seal and I won’t come to find you anymore.”

The sadness in Empress Dowager Xie’s heart immediately dissipated like fog. After all that, she’d just came for the hereditary Imperial Jade Seal.

“Otherwise, I’ll come find you every few days,” Ning Xiaoyao kept up with her threats. “I have the same words as before. As long as I’m unhappy, don’t you think of being happy, either.”

Empress Dowager Xie clenched her fists, voice cold. “All right, then This Dowager will be waiting for Your Majesty.”

“Then see you later,” Ning Xiaoyao made a detour around Empress Dowager Xie and walked towards the courtyard. Lou Zigui, Shadowgale and the rest followed behind her. Soon, they left the courtyard and pavilions, green trees, spring flowers, and little bridge and flowing water. Empress Dowager Xie watched Ning Xiaoyao as she left. Even though someone had come to support her again, she still sat back, paralyzed in her chair. Her entire body had lost all of its strength.

Grand Preceptor Xie looked at the remains of the side chamber around him, then at the pieces of brick and tile at his feet. Amidst all the mess, Grand Preceptor Xie waved a hand and ordered, “All of you retreat.”

The eunuchs and court ladies were surprised. Have them retreat now?

“Beat it,” Empress Dowager Xie snarled from her seat. In a flash, there was no one left in the courtyard besides the father and daughter pair and a few doctors.

Grand Preceptor Xie walked to the doctors, who were still fearfully bowing their heads, and said lightly, “As these gentlemen see it, has His Majesty’s illness gotten worse?”

The doctors all shivered. As they saw it, neither His Majesty or the empress dowager were normal at all. Oh, neither was the Grand Preceptor. He still wanted to say that His Majesty had lost his senses? Wasn’t he afraid of His Majesty tearing his bones apart just like how he’d torn the house apart?

“Has it?” Grand Preceptor Xie asked again when the doctors didn’t reply. All of them deeply regretted getting involved in this turbid mess, but now it was too late to back out. The Grand Preceptor would never let them off.

One of the doctors steeled his heart and said, “This commoner thinks so.”

Grand Preceptor Xie looked at the others, who could only nod in reply.

“Good,” Grand Preceptor Xie nodded as well, before turning to walk to Empress Dowager Xie. He extended a hand to help her up and said in a low voice, “As of today, both this subject and Empress Dowager has no way of retreat, but Empress Dowager need not feel anxious. No matter how ruthless His Majesty is, she didn’t hurt Empress Dowager a bit today. This proves that she understands the consequences of being unfilial to her mother.”

“That’s right,” Empress Dowager Xie smiled icily. “This Dowager would like to see just what her end will be.”

“There’s one more day until the small assembly,” Grand Preceptor Xie said. “Since His Majesty is sick, she cannot preside over political affairs. This isn’t just an excuse. Look at what His Majesty’s done today. If she isn’t crazy, then what is she?”

Thunk.

Another noise came from the building. The Xie father and daughter, along with all the doctors, hastily looked over at the now two-storey house. A pillar from the second floor was slowly sliding down. Grand Preceptor Xie and a mama quickly supported Empress Dowager Xie to run outside. By the time father and mother reached the entrance to the courtyard, there was a loud rumble from behind them. They turned back and saw that the second floor of the building had collapsed as well…

“That abominable–” Empress Dowager Xie wanted to curse, but the cloud of dust that rose up sent her into a coughing, choking fit. Grand Preceptor Xie had to turn his body and lean against the courtyard wall to prevent falling over. Esteemed Empress Dowager was right, Ning Yu was abominable and deserved to die!

Original Chapter Teaser:

 

“All right,” an old crow perched on a roof said to its companion. “These idiots didn’t catch what the little gyrfalcon and the rest did, so there’s no need for us to poop in their eyes.”


Ning Xiaoyao: That’s because I’m the one drawing all their attention away!

Big Boss Black: Keep up the good work, nin–Ning Xiaoyao! 
Ning Xiaoyao: My surname’s Ning, not Nin-Ning!
Big Boss Black: I–I knew that!
Grandpa Ash: *shakes head* Maybe it’s a good thing you don’t notice everything, Xiaoyao.
Ning Xiaoyao: Huh? Isn’t it Black Tubby who missed the obvious?
Big Boss Black: *snickers* 
Ning Xiaoyao: Hey, don’t look so happy about being wrong!


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  1. golden mouth and pearly words (金口玉言) – jinkouyuyan, literally ‘golden mouth, jade speech,’ meaning precious words/utterances that carry great weight.