TGL Volume 2, Chapter 14 (9)

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I can’t believe I was lured to sleep! So much for a giant’s focus bone, huh? It couldn’t even keep me awake during a battle. I demand a refund. I should’ve made it into a strength bone. But why’s everyone looking at me so strangely? Mm. As usual, it’s because I’m special, isn’t it? Ah-ha-ha. No, seriously. Please stop staring. It’s unsettling. “Um. It looks like he surrendered while I fell asleep! And his cheering squad left too. Wow.” No one’s saying anything. Someone, please respond. “Hello? Anyone? Quick Shot?”

“Don’t call me that!”

Mm. The world is right again. Everyone’s moving and chattering now! For a second, I was afraid I broke apart common sense. Wait a minute. What if this is an illusion caused by the bell!? Then I’m screwed. I don’t have any techniques to counter illusions…. I really should learn one. I’m sure there was some kind of technique that caused hallucinations in one of my interspacial rings. When the leader of that illusion sect used it, I really thought I was killing people by ripping off their limbs! Anyways, I’ll ask Ilya a personal question. If she answers correctly, then this isn’t an illusion! I knew I was a genius. “Ilya! What kind of books do you keep underneath your bed!?”

“Why is that the first thing you ask me!?”

Okay. I don’t think I’m in an illusion. Then that means…? “I challenge the next person! I don’t care who you are, just c’mon up here.” The faster I get this over with, the faster I can eat lunch. For some reason, I’m really hungry. Maybe it’s because I didn’t eat anything while selling those panties? Hmm. No, then I would’ve been hungry before the first match. I know! I collapsed and fell asleep out of hunger. Why is my body so inefficient? It needs way too much food. Hah. At least I’m super-duper strong. But no one’s coming to fight me. “Anyone? You.” I pointed at a chosen—well, I think it was a chosen—and pointed at the ground by my feet. “Fight me.”

“I, I surrender!”

The hell…?

“Emperor Yi!” someone shouted. It was an old lady with her hair tied up in a massive bun that extended towards the sky like a few bowls of stew stacked upon each other. “The rules! She broke the rules!”

Mm? Me? Rules? What were they again? I forgot. But I’m pretty sure I didn’t break any! All I did was fall asleep, and there definitely wasn’t a rule against falling asleep. “I did not!”

“You killed Smiling Pig! You killed the whole Righteous Buddha Sect convoy!”

Wow. These accusations are quite brazen, huh? I think I’d remember doing something extremely evil like murder. And if I don’t remember doing it, then I didn’t do it. It’s that simple. “Oh really? Prove it. The fat baldie rang a bell that put me to sleep, then he and his cheering squad ran away. You must’ve fallen asleep because of the bell too.”

“You don’t remember anything, Lucia?” Quick Shot asked me. Is it just me or was that fear in his eyes…? Mm. Well, it’s natural to be intimidated by me! With all the noogies I gave him, it’d be weirder if he wasn’t.

“He rang the bell. Then I dreamed of something. But I almost never remember my dreams. So nope, don’t remember.” I don’t remember many dreams. Usually they’re nightmares anyways, so it’s a good thing I don’t. Ah? What kind of nightmares? Well, I’m usually trapped in a cage while someone’s cooking right outside of my reach and my strength is too weak to break open the cage. Or I’m young again and being whipped for eating a cookie. Or I’m about to have fun with Durandal, but he suddenly disappears into mini-DalDal. Wait, no. That’s reality. Mm. Once Durandal settles into a new sky-realm-ranked sword, I’m going to make him permanently wear a spirit-restraining rope.

“Alright. Well, due to unusual circumstances, I won’t disqualify Lucia. The Righteous Buddha Sect used a technique that they obviously couldn’t control, and they suffered the consequences.” Quick Shot shrugged. “The exchange shall continue with the remaining forty-eight sects.”

“That’s outrageous!” the woman with the giant hair said. What was her problem? I’ll teach her a lesson.

“I challenge the chosen of her sect!” For some reason, I’m really irritated. It’s probably because I’m hungry. But I feel restless, like my heart wants to jump out of my throat. Or like something deep inside of me woke up after taking a long nap and wants to exercise. Hmm. Yeah, I think I’m just hungry. I’ll munch on these chocolate pills that Ilya gave me.

“Don’t worry, Sect Leader,” one of the people behind the woman said. “It doesn’t seem like she can use that technique at will. It was the result of her sins, but the Sin-Devouring Bell is gone now.” The person leaped onto the stage and drew a sword. He wore a green robe that had brown markings on it near its legs, a little like little roots. “My name is Firm Sapling. Let us have a fair fight, Heart Devil Lucia.”

…Parents in the Immortal Continent must really hate their kids. Firm Sapling? Really? Well, I’m not here to judge people’s names. “Heart Devil Apparition!” Since I don’t have a sword and I don’t want to stop eating, I’ll make the heart devil wormies fight for me. The apparition I summon takes on the shape of Durandal, including his sword, most likely because Durandal’s the scariest thing I know. …But what the hell is this? This apparition isn’t Durandal! It’s, it’s a predator? And the heart devil wormies seem a lot glossier than usual…. Did I break my technique? Before I could cancel it to try again, the heart devil predator pounced towards Firm Sapling and swallowed him one bite. It chewed a few times, and then it disappeared. Firm Sapling fell to the ground, screaming. The heck was that all about? Oh! It planted a heart devil. That was faster than the Durandal apparition. But is Firm Sapling okay? I’ll inspect him real quick.

“Don’t come closer! I surrender! I surrender!” Tears and snot and piss and poop escaped from Firm Sapling all at once when I took a step towards him. Gross. “Sect Leader, save me! Save me!”

Mm. I don’t know what happened, but it seems like my Heart Devil Apparition technique leveled up! This calls for a roast aurochsen celebration. …I’m not making up an excuse just to eat.

“What did you do to our chosen!?” the nagging woman teleported onto the stage by Firm Sapling’s side. Hey. I thought teleportation wasn’t allowed in the city? “Die, you wretch!”

Huh!? What the heck? Branches shot out of the ground like spears. This is like Ilya’s dad’s spell. I know how to counter this! All I have to do is position myself in this strategically superior position, brace myself for the incoming impact, and give those spears a good whack! But I don’t have mini-DalDal…. But I do have this hammer! Hmm? Where’d I get this hammer? From the Bloody Bull Sect, of course! This was their sect leader’s weapon. It’s way too bulky and not nearly as heavy as mini-DalDal can be, but it still weighs ten tons, so it’s not too bad. “Unrelenting Path of Slaughter: Breaking Madness Blade…? Hammer! Breaking Madness Hammer Strike!”

Kaboom!

Ah. Half the stage disappeared. I know I haven’t practiced since reaching the earth-realm, and I have no idea what my new capabilities are, but isn’t this too exaggerated? The stage is huge! But one strike disintegrated it. Hmm. That nagging sect leader woman didn’t even have time to scream when she was sent flying with her chosen. I wonder if she’s dead. Nah. There’s no way! I didn’t even make direct contact with her. But wow! That really was a lot stronger than I expected it to be. No wonder why earth-realm experts were so annoying to beat up when I was a saint-realm expert. Their qi is much more condensed! My Madness Strike is at least a hundred times stronger than before. Breaking Blade too. If I knew I’d automatically get this strong just by reaching the earth realm, I wouldn’t have practiced so hard! Well, it’s not like Durandal wouldn’t let me not practice. Hah. Durandal needs to learn how to relax and appreciate the little things in life. Like food and sex and sleep. Speaking of Durandal…. “Who’s next!? I don’t have all day!”


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