Chapter 34: Make me feel something
I heard him, but I didn’t respond as I looked the other way. Just like the scenery that was flashing by outside, many thoughts were running through my mind. My mind was an utter mess.
As Suyang mentioned, we have so many different relationships between us. But I was afraid that one day, if one of the relationship breaks, all the other ones will naturally fall apart as well.
Some time later, I ended up falling asleep without knowing. By the time I woke up, the car was already parked in the parking lot downstairs. Apparently, I had fallen asleep against the car door. In addition, I was drooling too.
I could still sense Suyang on the driver’s seat. I didn’t want him to see that I was drooling, so I didn’t dare to raise my head as I secretly used the lower hem of my jacket to wipe the corner of my mouth to get rid of all noticeable traces. I pretended I had just woken up.
The moment I lifted my head, Xu Weishan had plastered herself against the car door!
“Ah!” I covered my eyes with both my hands as I deeply buried my head. I was so frightened by Xu Weishan that my heart was furiously pounding.
One second, two seconds, three seconds…
Just as I was about to recover from fright, Suyang grabbed my hand and smoothly pulled me into his embrace. My mind was starting to turn woozy again.
Was Suyang hugging me right now?
I didn’t know where to put my hands. So currently, my fists were clenched in the air. My entire body was stiff.
Suyang patted my back as he soothingly comforted me in a soft voice, “Did you have a nightmare? Don’t be afraid….”
“I….I’m fine. Let’s go home.” I wanted to get up, but there was something behind me that was suppressing me from moving. It was Suyang’s hand.
“Why are you always like this? You were like this the first time we met. You were also like this at the hotel….honestly, why?”
“I -I had a nightmare.”
“A nightmare? You had a nightmare while you were conscious?” Suyang didn’t believe me.
I nodded, “I’m usually the type that freaks out if the wind blows and the grass moves. Sorry if my reactions scared you. I didn’t mean to…”
“It’s fine. Instead of scaring me, initially I thought you were purposely trying to take advantage of me….by using your stupid cute goldfish methods.”
I lifted my head and made eye contact with Suyang’s slightly raised eyes.
I was so serious, yet he was deviating into an inappropriate path. The only way to deal with an inappropriate individual was to be more inappropriate than the individual.
“I think you’re the one who wants to take advantage of me?! If you continue hugging me like this, I cannot guarantee nothing will happen….after all, you’re so handsome. I’m not the one at a loss!”
Sure enough, my words were effective. Suyang immediately released me and opened the car door as he backed up.
I knew it was going to work. Last time I was changing, Suyang had made a big fuss out of nothing. At the end of the day, all he had was a powerful mouth.
I sighed a breath of relief. Now that Suyang wasn’t saying anything else, I didn’t have to keep acting. I quietly followed him home.
Suyang had no idea, but there were actually three of us on the same path the entire time. I kept glaring at Xu Weishan, who was next to me. When Suyang walked further ahead, I threatened her underneath my breath, “If you dare to scare me again, I am not going to help you!”
Originally, I thought my threat would be sufficient. However, Xu Weishan gave me a blank expression. Then, she pointed her right finger at Suyang, left at me, and combined them together.
“It’s not what you’re thinking!” Seeing how Xu Weishan had misunderstood, I immediately wanted to clarify, “There is nothing going on between us!”
Don’t tell me she thought she was helping me by scaring me…
“Why aren’t you walking? Why are your hands dancing and feet tripping?” Suyang asked as he stood in front of the passageway.
“Ai! Coming!” I fully ran towards Suyang. When I was next to him, he insulted my short legs and so on. I casted a glance at Xu Weishan and made a long face to prove that someone like Suyang and I would never have that type of relationship.
Suyang seemed to have forgotten to interrogate me about Grandmother Meng. If he forgot to bring it up, I naturally wouldn’t mention it. After entering the apartment, I ran straight to my room. I pulled the curtains up but didn’t see the mistress by the window. Then, I fell asleep on the bed.
“Can you wash your face and rinse your mouth before you sleep?” Suyang asked in a disapproving manner as he stood by the door.
Was it a misconception? Ever since I was at Grandmother Meng’s, I felt an exhaustion that wouldn’t go away. Could it be because the Su descendants had taken turns extracting all of my energy?
Who can understand the pain of those in the lowest rung?
I stared at the fake Xu Weishan the entire class. I couldn’t imagined how thick of a skin she must have in order to murder her sister and replace her in such a carefree manner.
“Bai Silu! Bai Silu!” The person next to me nudged my arm and brought my wandering mind back to reality.
Since I was so focused, I was a bit agitated that she had ruined my train of thought. So, I gave her a big sister attitude and snapped, “What?”
“The professor just called your name…” The girl’s expression appeared a bit cowardly due to my reaction. She looked wronged.
I was still very unfamiliar with the name “Bai Silu”. I often failed to react to it.
“If you’re not going to pay attention in my class, then I’d rather you leave. I am talking to the student sitting at the very end; Bai Silu classmate. Please take note.” Suyang coldly stated.
Then, Suyang continued his lessons. But there were a few times that his eyes had swept by me. I could tell he was angry…
From what I could remember, I didn’t choose a course called “history of literature”. However, when I received my timetable, the three words “history of literature” had blatantly appeared on my schedule for every Wednesday afternoon.
This was the shadow of my life.
“Bai Silu, answer my question.” Suyang called my name again.
“What…..?” I shook my head. The whole class had their attention on me. What did Suyang say? I zoned out again?
Were University professors supposed to ask the students so many questions? The way Suyang was acting reminded me of my High School homeform teacher. Each time I was caught for not paying attention, he would punish me by making me run around the track.
I wasn’t used to having so many eyes on me….why did he have to purposely make me look bad in front of so many people? Deep down, I resented Suyang.
The fake Xu Weishan also turned around to look at me. She had a “I know the answer” expression on her face. It really annoyed me.
“Uh…..” Before I could say another word, the bell rung.
Yes! Saved by the bell! I secretly rejoiced. But I accidentally made eye contact with Suyang.
I quickly lowered my head as I mumbled to myself, “I’m invisible. Invisible. He cannot see me. He cannot see me.”
Sadly, he didn’t have the intentions of letting me go as he said in a stern tone, “Bai Silu, follow me.”
Since Suyang was a guest professor, the University had given him an office. I guess it was somewhat believable if he was actually a famous author.
I entered the office sulkily. I purposely left the door open so that his lecturing words would be less cruel; since many students or professors may happen to overhear.
Suyang icily stated, “Close the door.” All my hopes were shattered.
I respectfully shut the door and placed my hands politely on top of each other. “Boss… I can call you that now, right?”
Suyang slammed a textbook on the table as he hollered, “You didn’t reach my requirements!”
“Don’t forget the reason why I sent you here. I didn’t send you here for you to daydream in class. We need to get into our roles. I’m the teacher and you’re the student. But. You. Totally. Failed.”
Each of Suyang’s words jabbed my brain. I was truly speechless.
“Then, please be more clear, boss? Be more specific?! You didn’t have specific requirements, so I acted the way I would’ve. This was how I behaved during my University years.”
Suyang shook his head, “I told you. I want to gain some insight in regards to a teacher and student relationship. Can you make me feel something?”
Forcing a person from society to return back to school was already ridiculous enough. What? Now I have to make you feel something?
“Then tell me what type of girls make you ‘feel something’? I will work hard towards that direction.” On the surface, I spoke in an amiable manner. I gave off the tone that I knew I was wrong.
Suyang seized my hand and locked me in between him and his office table.