FM Chapter 49

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Date

We did drills everyday and were exposed to a lot of sunshine. Every night we prayed for torrential rain. Every morning, the sun rose up as per usual. My face was originally dark, so it was way more capable of heat absorption. It darkened at the rate of the speed of light. When the last few days of military training finally came, I didn’t even dare look at myself in the mirror. I was exactly like the people who came out from a coal mine or a construction site. At night, when I walked on the trails, I seemed invisible, blending in with the dimness of the night. At this time, I didn’t dare laugh as I pleased. I was afraid that if I suddenly opened my mouth to reveal white teeth amidst the blackness of the scene, I would scare some timid girls, who would think the place was haunted.

On the last day, I ate lunch in the canteen. Right when I intended to go back to the dorm to lie down for awhile, I saw Fang Yuke standing in front of me from far away. I wasn’t sure he was coming towards me. Fang Yuke, that rascal, resembled Michael Jackson after plastic surgery. No matter how much you tried to expose him to the sun, he stayed pure white. If he was so fair, how could I possibly worm my way into becoming friends with you? People must think that they have encountered the modern version of Heibai Wuchang [1].

Fang Yuke finally walked towards me, with a face of condescension, “You sure do absorb the essence of the sun and the moon. Aside from your eyeballs that haven’t become tanned, how is it that you’ve started to resemble Oreo cookies so much? When I look at other people who have become tan, I can at least stand it. But how is it that  you appear so much like coffin lacquer?[1]”

Bah! So wretched.

I wiped the sweat from my face, “This is called being healthy, all right? Right now, bronzed beauties are very popular. Look at the little white face Gu Tian Le had on before he got tanned. After he tanned, he became the idol of the whole country. You are being jealous right now because I look like Chi Luo Luo. You look just like a refractive lens, as your color hasn’t changed one bit, you even look more attractive. You’ll see that when the weather changes, my ability to change again is unparalleled.

“Yep, you’ll change into Li Kui or Judge Bao[2]. When you get home from school at night, definitely don’t ride any bikes. Other people will think that they have seen a bike riding by itself. Also, before military training ends, don’t take pictures with other people randomly. If the flash is too bright, perhaps you will even disappear.”

“Hey, are you like a rodent where you have a period during which you grind your teeth[3]? How come you’re always so sharp-tongued. I’ll buy you a rubber tube to chew on, to stop your teeth from rubbing against your mouth and to stop you from biting other people.”

“Aren’t I biting you especially? I don’t even care about biting other people.”

How come these words sounded so erotic? I leaned my head to one side and thought, Was it me that was  being vulgar or was he just too pure and kind?

Fang Yuke patted my brain, and turned around heading towards the snack counter. As he walked by he said, “Don’t think about it anymore. If you really want to dig deeper into the words I just said, or replace it with another meaning, I have no objections. Alas, why did I find a perverted **African woman to be my wife……”

**NOT MEANT TO BE RACIST AT ALL. Chinese value white/fair skin. Linlin is “black” now, so it’s just a metaphor which is meant to be taken lightly.

Hehe, after I finished fighting with Fang Yuke, I excitedly ran up behind him.

On the day that military training ended, a lot of classmates held the military instructors’ hands, reluctant to part. However, I wanted to sing loudly as a slave who has regained her freedom. On such a hot day, I hadn’t showered in days. If I were to continue on like this, I would become a hermit. I symbolically held my military instructor’s hand, saying happily, “The greatest regret in my lifetime is that I have never grasped a submachine gun in the course of my military training. Soldiers who don’t want to hold guns aren’t good soldiers. Instructor, in the future you have to strive hard to get out of this place and return to the normal armed forces. Soon, you will be able to hold a gun! Ha!…….” After I finished, I even earnestly saluted him and loudly said, “I declare, that I am very happy today.”

Sitting on the bus going back to school, I felt like a convict that had just been released from his prison sentence. I grew a close and dear connection with all the birds that could fly and all the fish that could swim. Julie couldn’t stand me looking up at the sky as I whistled and said, “Look at you now. Everyone else probably thinks the instructor mistreated you. Why are you just as excited as if you had injected some kind of energy into your bloodstream~~Even if the Chinese soccer team were to score a goal at the World Cup, none of the fans would be as excited as you are.”

I leaned closer to her ear: “During this half a month of military training, I met Fang Yuke twice, but I met Ru Ting daily. If you were me, how would you endure it?”

“Oooh so are you just yearning after love?”

“It’s fine, it’s okay. I just want to see if the apartment that Fang Yuke rented outside of school got dirty or not, or if it needs cleaning. Isn’t it lonely for one person to live there all by himself? Isn’t it just right if two people live there…….”

“Control yourself. You might as well think of his apartment as the Crown Prince’s chambers.”

“Pshhh, you have no taste. That’s too vulgar. I obviously called it a home. A home, got it?” It was as if pink bubbles were popping in front of my eyes.

“Oh, don’t get excited now. You’ve been baked into a refugee by the sun. Seeing a refugee in heat is really testing my bottom line. If you say more, I’m going to jump off of this bus. Also, will your Fang Yuke allow you to move in?”

“Why not?!” I asked.

“He’ll be safeguarding a minor. Who else can be as hungry and thirsty as you? Seeing Fang Yuke so outwardly cold, but deep and passionate inside, he won’t touch you until after graduation. For other people, it might be different, but seeing you now, even after you take off your clothes, you’ll be like burnt wood. Eating you will be the same as eating the black Beggar’s Chicken [4] that hasn’t been opened. Which guy will feel interested?”

After I got back to school, with the speed of a 100m dash, I rushed into the public bath. Last time, when I bathed, I would especially look down on the people who would scrub dirt off for a really long time and hog the shower. But now, it was almost as if I was preparing to live in the public bath. I rubbed my body until it got red. I wished I could take the blackness on my body off like a black leathery skin and leave the matter at that.

When I got to the dorm, I received a call from Fang Yuke. He wanted to eat together with me that evening, and he even mysteriously urged me to wear formal clothes. I barely asked what the matter was when he hung up.

Considering that all my life, I had never had any formal clothing; my only formal clothing was my military uniform. As I had not changed or washed it in a long time it was full of dirt and sweat. Indeed, I was too embarrassed to send it to a dry cleaning center, as it had already been abandoned pitilessly at the military base. I flipped around in the cabinets for a long time before finding a very formal T-shirt. On the front, in regular calligraphy it said “Learned”. On the back, with clerical calligraphy script it said “Peking University”. This was a shirt that I had bought on my first day into Peking University. Because it was too orthodox, I was usually afraid to wear it, so it was brand new. As for my pants, that was even harder. Apart from jeans, I only had more jeans. The only difference was whether or not there was a hole in them or a loose thread of cotton wadding. I felt that recently, the nights had become incomparably hot, so with utmost care, I selected one. Finally, I decided on bermudas. I probably don’t have to go over shoes- it’ll be the sneakers that I always wear.

After I got downstairs, I didn’t recognize Fang Yuke immediately. Because the Fang Yuke in front of me was wearing a light colored striped shirt with black, well-ironed Western pants. If he had a bowtie on, today he could directly go to the church to prepare to get married. I suspiciously walked closer, curiously sizing him up, “You really are immaculately dressed, like an animal![5]”

Fang Yuke patted my head, “You’re speaking nonsense again.”

I mischievously laughed, “What day is today?”

Fang Yuke did not reply, but merely looked over at my attire, “Didn’t I ask you to wear some more formal clothes?”

I patted the t-shirt I wore, “This is the formal dress I wore when I participated in the opening ceremony . After you see it, may it allow Headmaster Hong to be wise, and be enlightened. It isn’t formal enough?”

Fang Yuke didn’t fuss over it. He held me by my hand and led me outside the school.

Fang Yuke’s hand was very skinny. His fingernails were like little circular bundles, plump, rosy and clean. Being held with this kind of a hand made my heart go ‘thump’, until I got to the house he was renting outside of school– My heart felt as if it was surging forward and filled with six Audis. Whoa, omg, this was too sudden. I hadn’t even had time to buy leopard print undergarments …..

I bashfully lowered my head and entered Fang Yuke’s off campus home. The kitchen had an orangish yellow floor lamp that gently illuminated its surroundings. I could hear the lazy tones of Jones’s song 《Don’tknowwhy》. On the table, bloomed a rose that appeared both ambiguous and passionate.

Everything appeared as if they were complementary to each other .

I couldn’t help but wring my hands for Julie. I had struggled in the affairs of the heart for so many years, but I still underestimated Fang Yuke’s heart towards Zhou Linlin’s charm. Even if I had to climb around in the chimney and became as black as a crow or mountain pig, the brilliant rays of light would still radiate all around, and no one could block it!

I coyly pulled a chair out and sat down, lightly opening my red lips, “This……the arrangements of the foreplay is still okay.”

Fang Yuke was dazed for a second. After a few seconds he suddenly laughed forcibly, “Of course, I was expecting a day like this to come ever since I became a sensible teenager .”

I became even more embarrassed. I didn’t think that even though Fang Yuke came from a literary family, he was so open. He didn’t mince his words at all, even if he could not endure it, he still shouldn’t speak so straight-forwardly. For example, saying something like “Yearning for the spring, yet spring never comes // when bearing one’s left hand, it is almost as if one is holding one’s essence” and so on that contained many hidden meanings. (Author’s note: Ahh…….I actually wrote such a vulgar humorous poem……*covers up*)

TLN: Spring can refer to… sex and essence can refer to… that crucial organ XDD

I laughed lewdly and mischievously, “Where’s the red wine?”

“Red wine?” Fang Yu Ke blanked.

“Put some red wine in those kinds of goblets and shake it. The first sip will make one faint and the second sip will make you do that.” When I saw Fang Yuke so shocked, I explained, unable to wait.

“Oh, I don’t want you to get drunk again. Last time you got drunk, you didn’t torture me to death yet.” Fang Yuke shook his head like a rattle-drum.

“Ugh, if I’m going to torture you then get used to it. It’s so boring to drink juice. Drinking a few tons of fruit juice can’t get you to that state anyways. Life has to be happy. We must enjoy the present, obviously.” I justified myself and attempted to persuade him.

“Let me warn you, in the future, don’t drink. How can a lady drink wine like it is water? Last time you got drunk and almost ruined my reputation and integrity.” Fang Yuke’s eyes were full of cold light.

“Didn’t you say your reputation and integrity was already more or less ruined by me? Plus, do you think that tonight when a single man and a single woman are together, we won’t……” The more I spoke, the more my eyes seemed to cloud over. I looked at the darkness outside the window and exposed an evil smile.

“Zhou Linlin!” Fang Yuke ruthlessly swatted my little dumb head.

“Ouch!” I couldn’t help but hug my head and shout about the pain. F**k, even if was foreplay, he didn’t need to hit so visciously.

“Say, how come your brain always goes against the correct lines of reasoning? You won’t take responsibility for yourself, but I still will. How come you’re like a hungry wolf that’s come across a smell of fresh meat.”

“Hey hey hey. Appetite and lust are only natural. Look, people from the ancient times also grouped lust and appetite in two thirds of the important points of life. It can be clearly seen that they are so important. He told us that we must love sex and love our character so that we can liberate our consciousness and liberate our **. You won’t go wrong listening to the advice of our ancestors.”

“Zhou Linlin the meaning of lust and character is that food and charm are the natural pursuits of humanity. There is no such thing as your ⅔ . We’ll wait until you get an average score that is 85 or higher and then you can talk about liberating your lust with me.”

“Your meaning is that before I get on top of you I even have to get on top of Peking University?,” I blurted. After I finished, I had began to sweat. I had always joked around with Julie. I frequently joked that I had brought out the best of Peking University and Peking University often brought the best out of me. Thus, confronting this impossible mission, like an average score of 85 or higher, I could only meet this abnormal circumstance if Peking University continued to bring out the best in me. So it could be discovered but not sought. As I thought about this, I also justified my catchphrase with Fang Yuke.

“I really want to know what your brain is made of that makes it different from other people. In the past, at least you could lamely pretend, but how come now you have bloomed and are unrestrained?” Fang Yuke helplessly glanced at me, his clear eyes glistening under the light.

I pouted my lip, “Then you say, what day is today?”

Fang Yuke laughed softly, “15 years ago on this very day, you met the frank and little young cute boy, me. We shared the bed for a night and then with great kindness, you invited me to be your husband.”

I opened my mouth so wide. I didn’t close it for a long time. Could it be that I had already been so blatantly open when I was little too? GOODJOB!

Fang Yuke continued, “I am someone who thinks that promises are worth one thousand in gold. At the time I promised you, so I will not go back on my promise. But it’s not good that you forgot what you previously said so quickly. People have to pay attention to honesty, all right?”

I looked at him with wide eyes. Fang Yuke’s black hair obediently stuck in front of his forehead. The night wind blew past, and his black hair lightly swayed. I stood up and approached him, softly touching his hair, and pulling on his cheek, “This lady has never said anything that she actually means, but as you’re so idiotic, I will reluctantly persevere. Don’t you think you paid attention to me very early on? Haha…..” When I finished I put my hands on my hips and howled with laughter.

Fang Yuke cupped a fist in his hand and looked at me, “Yes. I have taken advantage of you. When time and the scene changes, maybe I would not have noticed you. Someone like you has leaned on luck to survive until now, and the greatest prize you’ve gotten is me. In brief, today, the significance of this time’s dinner is to tell you to cherish life and not to go pay attention to messy handsome guys. Also, study hard. When you get an average that is over 85, then I will agree to you living here. Until then, I’ll go pay a visit to your mother and father and you can visit my mother and father.”

“Impossible, 75 is already hard enough.” I blinked my eyes at him, miserably making a counteroffer.

“85 is the very least. You can’t get a single mark less.”

“What happens if I get an 85 and your parents don’t like me? Wouldn’t I still get rejected.”

“It’s already a given that my parents wouldn’t like you. Who let me make such a huge loss in my business transactions……” Fang Yuke craftily laughed.

“Who said so. If you want Zhou Linlin to be clever, then we must respect the old and cherish the young, follow the Confucius moral injunctions and gather all of the women from good families to succeed for the numerous mother-in-laws first choice daughter-in-law, and the husband’s father’s dream maiden!”

Fang Yuke was overjoyed as he watched me, “You can use your big talk to study. I guarantee you can pass me.”

[1] Chinese really love fair people. The fairer the better

[2] they’re both black/tanned

[3] grinding your teeth can also mean argumentative

[4] Beggar’s chicken is a type of food

[5] It’s an idiom- A dressed up animal;it also means an immoral and despicable person


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